Paint The Sky

Chapter 7

  I need to talk to Finnick. I just have to explain myself.
  I go to the stables, where I usually find him. Not there. That's strange. It is the hours he works here right? Yeah...its 9.
  I go outside and walk the perimeter of the barn.
  I reach the back. I round the corner when I see Finnick.
  He's kissing a blue haired girl.

  I didn't quite realize how much I would feel betrayed before...well, I did.
  I had run off to try and keep the monster screaming inside me at bay.
  I sit down on the flat Mesa top. No one can find me here. Minus Finnick. But I'm never speaking to him again so he doesn't count.
  I'm just sitting there. I thought I would scream, but no. I thought I would cry, but no. I stare out at the horizon and consider the blue haired girl.
  I hate her. I hate her. I hate her sky blue hair and pink dress and small hands with perfect nails. I hate Finnick.
  But most of all, I hate myself. I hate myself for letting this happen. I hate myself for not being the blue haired girl.
 
  He finally finds me. I don't acknowledge him. "I guess you saw me," Finnick says.
  I try to ignore him, but now that he's here, I feel like I'm going to start crying.
  "That was Lorelei. She's from school."
  Oh, Lorelei. Lorelei is her stupid name.
  "She apparently has this huge crush on me."
  Apparently? Oh sure. And don't pretend like you don't have a crush on her.
  "But I don't like her."
  I speak to him for the first time in the entire conversation. "Don't lie to me."
  He seems semi-shocked. Well, his cute little faces aren't going to work on me this time.
  "I wouldn't do that." He sits next to me.
  Ugh. "I don't believe you," I say simply with no emotion in my voice.
  "Coral...Lorelei is just...she's another person," he tries to explain.
  "So was I."
  "No. Your special."
  "I thought I told you not to lie to me."
  "I'm not lying! I'm trying to tell you something!"
  "Why don't you shut up and go make out with Lorelei?!" I scream and I suddenly realize how truly angry I am at Finnick. "You told me you liked me! And that was a lie! You told me Lorelei means nothing to you! And that was lie! Don't pretend that you didn't kiss her back! How can I trust you anymore? Or ever?" I storm away, to the bench in my yard.
  I sit down and weep.

  I don't realize how long it's been until I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up and see the sky is pink. When my eyes adjust to the brightness that comes after keeping my head in my hands in for hours, the first thing I see is a pair of bright green eyes.
  "I hate you," I sob.
  Finnick sits beside me. He says quietly, "I hate me, too."
   Now there's something new. "I don't want your sympathy! Just go away!"
  "I won't this time. And I won't go away ever again."
  I'm still crying. Crying for what I've lost. What I've done to myself. What I've put Finnick through.
  He puts his arms around me. I let myself get wrapped up in them because I need something, anything to hang on to. Something that won't let me spin out of control and never come back. Something to stop me from going insane.
  "Why're you crying?" He whispers to me.
  I give him the most truthful answer I can. I say through hiccups, "Because I'm lost, and I'm confused, and I can't find my way back."