Inspirational : 365 Days A Year ♥

Maybe ...

Maybe it's different when you're on the other side. I remember at 14 I ended friendships with people because they didn't have the same mindset as me and were growing up, becoming rebellious and I felt so caught up in their whirlwind that I was sick with anxiety on the thought of anything other than childhood. Now I'm 17 and I know what sadness is and I no longer run from the feelings of chaos, but I embrace them. I embrace change and the rebellion and the feeling of life. One of my best friends asked me earlier "what's going on with you, why are you changing and acting so rebellious" and it hit me, that at 14 I was asking someone that I thought would be my best friend for life the same exact question. I hated the thought of people growing and living life without me. I was so terrified of change I would have rather lost a friend than loose my innocence. I never understood. I could never comprehend why my best friend wanted to drink and smoke to escape reality and risk being caught. I couldn't wrap my head around the rebellious stage of going out and partying to forget your name. 3 years later and I regrettably understand. I am that person. I'm the person I never wanted to be around. I'm the person I never understood. And I no longer see it the way I did before. I now know the excessive drinking wasn't out of rebellion it was out of regret. She didn't want to drink to forget her name she wanted to drink to forget the boy she loved. She didn't want to smoke to fit in she smoked to ease her anxiety. She dated the many people she did to forget the one she lost. It was never about rebellion, it was about heartache. She was trying to ease the pain of loss. She was never out of control, she did those things to feel in control. She told me I didn't understand, now I wish I never would have hoped i did.