suicidal √

{planning} escape

"oh john. i love you so much."
"yes my darling. i love you too."
"now that we got rid of that stupid girl, it's just you and me now."
"yes, just you and me."

i cringed at what i saw and heard.
i tried my best to be quiet.
the warm tears of betrayal trickled down.
how could they betray their own child?

when they brought me up with care and concern, was it just a fraud?

when they kissed me goodnight,
when they would hug me,
when they were crying tears of joy,
when they were smiling proudly,
when they looked at me with love,
when they cooked or bought my favourite food,
when they comforted me from heartbreaks,
when they helped me with my studies,
when they celebrated my birthday each year,
i was considered a burden towards them?

how could they cover up their emotions?
how were they so good at acting?
maybe it was a present thing?
not from the past?
how could they?

my chest hurts.
my heart feels like breaking into pieces.
my eyes were sore from the tears.
my mouth kept taking those tears in.
salty but my only water source.
my lungs felt like it has burst.
probably from the pieces of my broken heart.

they were going at it.
i tried to calm myself down.
i wipe the tears and planned my escape.
i found the map in one of the drawers.
i was lucky this time.
but not the next time around, i suppose.