My Struggles With Depression

Another Try...

-A couple of months later it was still there the anger,aggression,mood swings the rituals everything was still the same as it was before seeing the counsellor. We took another go at counselling to see if it worked this time we went to another lady let's call her 'Lady A'. Lady A was a nice enough lady and counselling took place in her home. Again I wasn't truthful it didn't help I still didn't trust anyone I still couldn't open up and explain to her how I really felt. We walked away with nothing. My mother then turns to the school hoping we would get support in a different way which would work, I spoke to this lovely lady again let's call her 'Lady S' I spoke to her for a good 3/4 months and she made me see that there was so much more to life, and feeling the way I felt was okay and it wasn't weird or different it was okay to not feel okay. She unfortunately left , so I was back on what felt like my own again. I was okay for 2 months I say okay I mean bearable it certainly wasn't good but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. One day I started feeling suicidal aswell as depressed I started self harming I felt useless I felt unworthy of even being here , I felt guilty for my existence I felt ashamed,embarrassed,ugly,fat every bad emotion it seemed to just throw itself at me. I self harmed with a mirror and the edge of a bottle I scraped so hard it would bleed and be so hard and painful to touch or even move. We then contacted the doctors as my mum was concerned and had no other idea or way we could make things better they wrote a letter to this place called 'camhs' in hope it would enlighten my very dark world.