In Love With a 1D Fangirl

Part 7

“You’re still coming, right?” Colin tapped the send button on his phone.

 Lincoln Woods was a small neighborhood park that didn’t get much traffic during the day. At night, when it was technically closed, it went nearly forgotten. Under the glow of the full moon, Colin sat on a swing, rocking gently and willing his phone to show a response.

“yeah im almost there.”

Exactly how Colin had convinced Zowie to meet him at the park in the middle of the night was beyond him. He liked to think that she wanted to hear him out, but the reality was more likely that she wanted him to leave her alone and this was the only way for that to happen.

The chain squeaked as Colin pushed himself back and forth, waiting. A cool breeze found it’s way into the openings of his hoodie and he wrapped his arms around himself. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say. He’d apologize, of course, but he needed to go beyond that.

A glow bobbing around near the park’s entrance announced Zowie’s arrival. Colin didn’t shout a greeting, instead waving his phone in the air so she could see the light. In silence, she approached and sat down on a swing beside his.

Several minutes passed with neither one saying anything, just squeaking as they swayed gently, on the swings.

“Well, you wanted to talk. So, talk,” Zowie said, finally.

Colin swallowed hard.

“I’m not sure what to say. Sorry just doesn’t cut it, but it’s the only thing I can comes to mind.”

“I didn’t come here just to hear you say you’re sorry. You’ve said it several times already.” The breeze picked up again and Zowie shivered violently.

“I know. But, it doesn’t make it any less true.” Colin’s mind raced. There were several things he wanted to say, but each one sounded more ridiculous than the last as the thought.

“Why, Colin?”

“Huh?”

“Why did you lie to me like that? I just don’t get it. I thought you liked me.” Her voice quivered just a bit, and it cut straight to Colin’s heart. It was a fair question, and one he definitely owed an explanation.

“I did. I still do. A lot, actually. I mean it. I want you to like me."

“Then, why?”

“Because I wanted  I thought you were so obsessed with One Direction that it was the only way I stood a chance to get your attention. I thought that maybe if I got you to like me for me, it wouldn’t matter that I lied.”

“You didn’t even know me. Not really. I’m in your English class. That’s it”

“I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me.” Colin stared down at his feet. He felt small, like a child in a world too big and complex to understand.

“You never even tried!”

 “I did, too. You shot me down, remember?”

“I didn’t know you. I don’t just go out with random people. Remember, I didn’t even know your name.”

“Then what was the whole One Direction thing about?”

“It was me trying to be goofy about saying no. You came out of the blue and it threw me off. What does it even matter? You wound up using it as something to get what you wanted anyway!”

“I’m sorry.”

“I want to like you, Colin. You made me laugh and you’re kinda cute. But I don’t know how to trust you.”

Colin didn’t say anything. Zowie’s words just played over and over in his head. I want to like you

“You say you’re sorry. But why should I believe it? You didn’t seem to have a problem lying before.

Words jumbled in Colin’s mind. Nothing made sense.Overwhelmed in the moment, he grabbed the closest chain attached to Zowie’s swing and pulled himself over to her. Forcefully, passionately he pressed his lips against hers, hoping that everything he felt would transfer from his body to hers.

A stinging slap across his cheek brought him back to reality.

“What the fuck?”Zowie sprang from the swing and began to storm off.

“Wait! No! I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do. I love you, Zowie.”  The words tumbled from his mouth without control. Colin felt his breath catch as soon as he heard them.

She stopped dead in her tracks, her breathing heavy and audible.

“Love me? You. Don’t. Know. Me. How can you love me? This isn't some movie. This isn't a fairy tale. It doesn't work like that.”

Colin caught up to her. He wanted to put a hand on her shoulder, but stopped just short of touching.

“I want to know. That’s all I ever wanted. I went about it all wrong, I know. But more than anything I wanted to know you.”

Under twinkling stars, the two of them stood without speaking. Crickets chirped, and in the distance an owl hooted. Combined with the slight chill in the air, it was the perfect night for cuddling close and looking up at the sky, staring into endless space. It was a night for lovers.

“I believe you,” Zowie said at length.

“Thank you,” Colin said, finally allowing his hand to rest on her shoulder.

“Don’t.” Jerking away, Zowie spun around to face him. Anger visibly wrestled with sadness on her face.

“I said I believed you, I didn’t say you were off the hook.”

Colin shoved his hands into his pockets. He should have known that was too easy.

“Will I ever be?” The potential answer terrified him, but it scared him more to not ask.

“That’s up to you.” It was a cryptic answer, but not unexpected.

“So where does that leave us now?”

 “I don’t know.”

They stared at each other for awhile in silence once again. This time, when Zowie turned and walked away, Colin did not stop her.