In Love With a 1D Fangirl

Part 6

Colin tossed and turned in his bed, his stomach gurgling with discomfort. He tried to convince himself it was indigestion from dinner, but he knew the truth.

Things had gone well. Far better than he’d had any reason to hope. He and Zowie texted back and forth all through dinner, laughing and making the best of the situation. They even messaged each other on the way home, their giggles drawing more than one confused look from Colin’s mother in the rear-view.

He should have been happy, but through his own actions, there was no way for that to happen. The matter of the fake One Direction tickets dangled over his head like a one-ton weight suspended by an ever weakening rope. There was no way to avoid coming clean, but timing was crucial. And, sooner would certainly be better than later.

Why had he lied? It had made so much sense at the time, but now... Now the only thing he understood with clarity was that he was an asshole.

*****************************************************************

Well before school started, Colin sat on the flower bed wall that surrounded the flagpole. The cool air kept his mind focused as he continued to wrestle with what he would say to Zowie. Sleep had only come in pieces the night before and he wanted nothing more than to just crawl back into bed. Hoodie pulled up and motionless, he almost looked like a statue placed before the school as some new addition to the landscaping.

No one paid him much attention as students began showing up, nearly every one of them wrestling with their own terminal cases of “the Monday’s”. Colin’s phone vibrated in his pocket.

 “see you at your locker?” How had she gotten past him? Annoyed at himself, he shoved his phone back into his pocket and stood up, nearly bumping right into Zowie as he did.

 “Can I meet you here instead?” She giggled at his question, and he couldn’t stop a grin as well.

 “So, I had a really awesome time the other night. I wasn’t so sure when got there, but you’re really funny.”

“Thanks.” Colin broke eye contact and begin to blush. He felt awful, like someone had punched him in the stomach. Of course, she wasn’t going to make this any easier.

“I was hoping maybe we could do it again. Before the concert? I mean, if you want to, of course.”  For the first time, Colin noticed that Zowie actually seemed nervous about something.

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.” He’d taken the first steps. There was nothing left but to dive head first.

“Oh. OK. Well, thanks for taking me out. But I don’t have to go to the concert with you if you don’t want, now.” She forced a smile, but Colin saw the twitching hints of a quiver. The sting of rejection worked its way into her eyes.

Colin’s chest tightened and he found it hard to breathe. He felt like he would throw up at any moment, and his heart pounded inside his chest like a battering ram.

“No. It’s not that. God, I’m such a douche. Zowie, I’m sorry. I wasn’t ever going to take you to the concert. I never even had tickets.” He pulled his hoodie down further, trying to hide his face.

“What?” The hurt in her voice pierced him like a barbed dart.

“I made the whole thing up. All of it. I just wanted to go out with you. But... I’m sorry. I only did it so I could get to know you better.”

“What the fuck? That doesn’t even make sense!” He couldn’t disagree.

“When you shot me down... I just couldn’t take no as an answer. So I lied. I thought maybe-- I thought that if I got to talk to you, you might change your mind. I’m so sorry” Colin’s voice cracked, and he choked on the burning in his throat as he fought off tears.

“And that’s supposed to make it better? Go to Hell, Colin. Just go away.” Zowie stormed by him, bumping him hard as she did.

He started after her, reaching for her shoulder.

“Stay away from me! Stop! Just leave me alone.” She quickened her pace to a run and disappeared into the school.

Colin growled and wanted to hit something something until his knuckles bled. A primal urge to roar welled within him and he fought to keep it down.

 And then it happened.

Unable to control his body’s spasms, Colin doubled over and threw up in the flower bed. Those passing by gave him a wide berth and did their best to get by him quickly. Tears ran down his cheeks.

Moments later, once his stomach had emptied itself, he pulled his hoodie back up and over his eyes as far as it stretched. Walking into the building, he knew it was going to be the longest day of his life up to that point.

****************************************************************

“I told you so. Sorry, but I had to say it. I mean, come on, man. What did you really expect to happen?” Mitch didn’t look up from his English textbook, but then he didn’t need to for Colin to know how his friend would have his head at him.

 “I don’t know. I guess I thought she wouldn’t like me so I wouldn’t care about telling her it was a lie.”

“Did you actually think about that before you said it? That’s pretty fucked up, dude. ‘Well, she’s probably going to be a bitch, but I want to go out with her anyway and be a douche about it.’ That’s what you sound like.” Most of the time, Mitch was a pretty good friend; someone you could count on to have your back. At the moment, however, he wasn’t pulling any punches.

 “I know.” Colin put his head down on his desk. He heard Mitch’s book snap shut.

 "Do you? Because you seem pretty shocked that things went the way they did.”

 “What are you? My dad? I’m an asshole, OK? I get it. It doesn’t mean I like it.”  Colin’s head shot up and he glared at Mitch.

 “Sorry,man. It’ll pass. Just remember what it feels like so you don’t do it again.” That was more like Mitch, though the words lacked assurance.

 “Yeah. I just want to make it up to her. She doesn’t have to like me, just let me apologize.”

 “Good luck with that. She won’t even look at you, let alone talk to you.” They had both noticed that Zowie had gone out of her way to take a seat as far away from Colin as possible.

“Since when has that ever stopped me?”