As You Are

I Hate Hospitals

*Lila

I walked into the hospital, breathing in the sickening scent of disinfectant. As I made my way down the hall toward the chemo room, I felt eyes on the back of my head. I stopped and turned around only to see a vacant hallway behind me. No one had gone into another room; I would've heard the door..

I shrugged and continued making my way down the long hallway. More recently I've been getting the feeling I'm being watched or followed, but every time I look nobody is there..

I checked in with the nurse in the chemo room. She directed me to a chair and told me someone would be right with me in her annoying, fake-happy voice.

After about five minutes of waiting, the doctor finally made his way over to me. As he looked for a vein to put my IV in (not that they weren't easy to see), he attempted to make small talk with me. Though I replied, I didn't feel very talkative. Then again, I never do.

The doctor found a good vein and stuck the IV in. I winced, but I was grateful the pain was there. It seems to be the only thing I can feel and have felt in a long time..

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad for the pain, but I would never go so far as to inflict it upon myself. That would be pointless. Why hurt myself when the cancer is already doing it for me? Besides, if I mutilated myself, it wouldn't be for the pain or attention like most whiney little schoolgirls nowadays. I would be doing it so that I wouldn't have to continue standing in the valley of shadows and death, waiting for an inevitable end, but I suppose at this point I've grown so used to waiting that it just doesn't bother me anymore.

I sat back in my chair and relaxed, knowing it would be awhile. I closed my eyes and contemplated dozing off. As I did, I felt a soft caress on my left hand.

My eyes shot wide open. I looked to my left. There was no one there.

Out of the corner of my eye, however, I could've sworn I'd seen someone's shadow moving at what seemed an impossible speed for human legs.

That seems to be happening a lot now too..