IRRESISTIBLE

Part 6.

HI GUYS :)

i will finally continue it bc i wanna write right now and i read it again and i dont think its that bad so here we go:

*Laura's prof*

She asked me why they saved my life.. Mmmh i really do love her but i dont know if i should tell her that :/ I have depression, i hate me, i think im fat and im.ugly. Like i dont just 'think' it, it' s just the truth! I really wanted to tell her first because it's breaking me :( I really can't do that anymore. The only reason why im still alive, are my idols! One Direction. But the problem is, that i finally gave up on them. I always believed what they saied at interviews like that they like 'curvy girls' or stuff like that which made.me feel beautiful. But i finally realised that they doesnt mean fat people.like me. They just mean slim girls with huge boobs. But i mean thats normal no? Which boy wants to have a wale as hee girlfriend? NOBODY! and for sure not the world biggest boyband who could have any girl they want. So yeah how i said, slowly i am.even giving up at my idols and im sure, they cant save my life at the end. My depression got just too big. They took over me. I want to kill the demon inside me so badly but the question is: 'How to kill the Demon inside you without killing yourself?' There isn't a second im not thinking about suicide and i want to talk so badly about it! The only person i would trust, is Lia! But im afraid that im going to annoy her and that at end, she doesnt wanna have a such fucked up girl like me and i really don't wanna lose her. But if i'm not going to talk to someone, she will probably lose me. But oh i forgot, then she would be better! Like there wouldn't be a person who annoys here the whole time. And im sure she doesn't love me. She only talks with me because i was on the video at the RND! like who wants to be my friend? Nobody so yeah :( I really don't know :/

44 Days. I have to stay alive. 44 Days and i will see my hero's! My idol's, my everything. How i would love to meet them just once! To thank them for all they did, do - and maybe - are going to do!

"@Niallofficial: What about a follow spree for the best fans of the world? Just had one of this moment where im so glad for all i have!"

WOAAAH NIALL DO A FOLLOW SPREE. Ok omg i know what im going to do: If niall follows me today, im going to tell all Lia! If he doesnt, i wont! Lets start the spaming!

*20mins later*

@NiallOfficial I TRIED NICE BUT U DIDNT FOLLOWED ME SO U LIL LEPERCHAUN U NOW BETTER FOLLOW ME OR U WILL SEE WHAT HEPPENS! 176

Suddenly my mentions blincked on. OMG WHAT? WAIT WHAT DID HE FOLLOWED ME?? WHAT THE HELL OMG :D

'Niall Horan followed you'

OMG I CANT BELIEVE!! MY IDOLS KNOWS THAT IM EXIST WOAAAH OMG LETS TAKE A LOOK ON WHAT I WAITED MY WHOLE FANGIRL LIFE: THAT NEXT TO HIS NAMES STANDS: FOLLOWEs YOU!

I clicked on it and u know what? There really stands 'followes you'. but its a fake acc (sorry we arent.in holiwood here ;)) Why people do that? thay gave me a fucking heart attack -.- But i dont get it, why does.my.mentions still go crazy? Are they all so stupid? No like they dont see it if its a fake account so why do my.mentions go that crazy? I scrolled down my.mention and i really scrolled for about 6 minutes till i saw it: Niall Horan followes you. ok thats again a fake acc no? i clicked on it and OMFG WHAT THE ACTUALLY HELL??? ITS THE TRUE NIALL OMG YEAG HE FOLLOWED ME AND THIS FAKE ACC JUST FOLLOWED ME AS WELL OMG I CANT BELIEVE (ok we are in holiwood but i mean its a ff no? lets dream ;)) MY FUCKING IDOL, MY HERO! HE KNOWS WHO I AM.

Suddenly i got sad. That means i have to tell all Lia. And that means i'll maybe lose her or she will laugh at me or i dont know. FUCK. Ok now i promised it to myself and when something is worthfull for me, then promises! I never give a promise just so. Promises are the only thing i trust on. I will write her tomorrow. NOW LETS FANGIRL!

*Harry's prof*

"You asked my why 1D saved my life? So im going to tell you now because i cant handle thid anymore. It's just too much for me and you are the only person i really trust so please, don't leave me after i told you because it would give me the rest. Yeah so here's my story: It isn't something special and I hate to talk about it because there are poeple who have a way harded feel than me and doens't feel that way. But I really can't do something for my emotions. I have depression. I hate me. I'm fat and ugly. I hear it every day from someone. I dont get mobbed or so they just always say it as a "joke". You know, this people mostly are my "friends" and they think i doesn't care but it hurts me everytime they say something. They think im strong and im happy but if they would just look once in my eyes, they would see that they are wrong. That their "Jokes" actually hurt me and that im not strong at all. Im one of the weakest people ever and im also not happy. It is so hard for me to fake smileys the whole time but i dont know if they just ignore it or they really dont see it, but they would never even think about it that i could have depression. Im so tired of all. Tired for not being good enough. Tired of being the fat and ugly one. Tired of not bein worth it. Tired for not being anyone's first choice. Tired of being tired. Tired of my fucking depression and thinking 24/7 about suicid. I wanna have a boyfriend. I wanna be skiny. I wanna look in the mirror and don't cry but accept me. I wanna be happy but i think on this world, i will never be happy and in last time, even my idols failed. They saved my life so many times but im not sure if they still do :/ You know once i also lived for my brother and i told him all but he still sasy that im fat and that my idols are shit even if they are the only people why i am still alive. And then he tells me stuff like: Oh and then u go cry again in ur room with depression. ok thanks. or my friend who knows also all make fun about suicid when i stand right next to him and a second before he told me i shouldnt cut...yeah thats my story but please dont treat my different and dont leave me ...:("