Everyday I wonder: does he really like me, or does he just use me to get the answers to the homework that he didn't do that day? The same question ping-pongs in my mind without stopping. It dosen't even stop in my dreams. Maybe he does and is just shy. Or he just plain dosen't and thinks its easy to get answeres out of me. Eaither way, I'll never know.
*~*~*
I walked up to my best friend, Payton's, locker. Instead of heading off to first period, like we normally do, we just sat down. It was still early so the best thing to do was hang out. "Whats up?" I asked simply, trying to start conversation.
"Nothing. Oh! Before I forget, we can't go to the mall today. I need to babysit." We had planned a big shopping trip for some winter clothes. There was no more short-sleeve weather heading our way for a few months.
"It's okay." We would end up going tomarrow, so it didn't really matter. My Mp3 player was set to The Legacy by the greatest band ever. Black Veil Brides. Drifting off with the music, he showed up. All smiles and innocence. Yeah. Sure. He sat down next to me, and asked what the story for English was about. The Gift of the Magi.
Nick always asked me for English homework in the morning. Was that all what I was to him? Some endless answer machine? Of course I told him, I mean if I didn't I would look rude. Being rude is something nobody wants. Thats what I tell myself to make it look like I did it becasue I was nice, and not becasuse I completly gave into him. During the time I was explaing the story to him, it seemed as if he wasn't listing. He was playing with my outdated MP3 player.
It was scratched, cracked, and I abosultly loved it. "Hey Nick!!" My friend Amy said. She patted his head opening her locker. "Why are you here? Shouldn't you be getting to class or something?"
"I'm getting answers from Symone. You know how I just use her for answers." That hurt a little. No, I'm sorry, that hurt a lot. After he said that, he mumbled something incomprehensable under his breath. Probley something else hurtful. With that I got up and headed for class. When I put my earbuds back in, it was on the song All I Ever Wanted.
Great, he changed the song. It dosen't matter though, its still pretty good. Listening to it, I couldn't help but wonder if it ment anything. I'm all for conspirices and secret messeges but was he trying to say he wanted me to smile more or something? Wow. What a stupid thought, he just left it on that song becasue I got up. I need to get myself in check. Shaking my head, I headed for my German language class. I had a lot to tell my other best friend, Kristen.
*~*~*
"He's using me." Is the first thing that came out of my mouth when I sat down. She got it right away and I explained the whole situation. I left out the part about the song becasue now that I think about it more, it was just stupid.
"Maybe...he only said that becasue thats the only way to talk to you. You're too awesome so he must get nervous." I didn't believe her and just put my head down. I was so sick of it all. All the games and everything, I felt like I should just be done with him. Of course that could never happen. I see him everyday and when he talks to me I feel happy. If thats taken away, I'll just be an empty shell. Again.
I can't let that happen. So if he really just wants to use me, then so be it. I mean so what if I can't sleep at night? So what if my heart gets heavy when I see him? It doesn't matter, becasue in the end it never will. People will move on and away, and the memories left will be nothing but dust.
