I wake up and I'm freezing .i look down and my clothes r shredded .my body aches everywhere. I start crying .I'm a virgin.i sit up and find my phone . I really wish Chris was here .i get to see him tomorrow but still .what if he knew about Jacob would he save me from all of the terrible shit Jacobs done to me .i doubt it he'd probably laugh and join Jacob .hitting me every second he could get .hurting me makeing eternal scars .i get up and stumble back up to my house and climb in the window .i try reaching my bed before I collapse .im really weak .i look at my body there's blood and scratches every where .i curl up in a ball and cry my self to sleep .
I keep running and running .losing my energy more and more every step I take .i look back and he's still behind me so i try running faster .i look down at my stomach .omg I'm pregnant . I try running as fast as I can but I feel some one grab my hair pulling me back .i fall down and grab my stomach trying not to hurt the baby inside me . He picks me up by my hair and throws me to a tree .he starts punching me in the stomach I try making him stop .
I can't wake up this has to be a night mare . Please let this be just a night mare .
I fall to the bloody ground * beep beep beep * what the fuck is that * beep beep beep *
I wake up crying screaming . I looking down at my stomach .no signs of pregnancy .oh my fucking God .i was just a night mare . I get up and go to the bathroom .its almost time for school and I need a shower .i turn on the water and get in .i hiss as the warm water hits my cuts makeing them sting worse .i finish showering then I get out getting ready for school .i put on some eye liner .i don't go anywhere without make up on .i put my jacket on to hide my cuts and scars .i look one last time in the mirror and there's a cut on my cheek . I sigh .these night mares are becoming way to real .i grab my bag and run down the hill waiting at the bus stop . The bus finally gets there I get on and get really awful and scared looks from other people I roll my eyes and sit down .
I hate this place
So much . We arrive at the school .i get off the bus and just push past people .i look over and there he is. My heart instantly melts .ugh he is so cute but I know I will never be able to call him mine . I feel a tear go down my face I quickly wipe it away ." He's just a crush " I tell my self .
Next period -ag.
I walk in class .i sit in my seat .chris hasn't got to class yet ." Hey guess who's crushing on the new kid Chris " I hear Erin whisper .i look over at her " who " I ask " meeee omg he is so cute and I like him a lot I think he likes me to omg I wonder what our kids would look like " she squeals .i smile wanting to punch her in the face .stupid whore She gets every guy I want . I put my face down .i hear him come over and sit down .i look up at him and realize I was crying .i quickly wipe it away trying not to let him notice .im going to fucking kill her . I never did like her I was only freinds with her because she's my cousin and I have to . The bell rings and I go to the rest of my classes .as the final bell rings I pick up my stuff and walk out the door .then Audrey comes up to me ." Meet me by the vending machine tomorrow I want to introduce u to somebody " she practically squeals .i smile and say ok . I get on the bus and feel like breaking down .i can't believe she likes him .i want him he should be mine I will make him mine . Then the doubting thoughts come in .ugh dammit .i doubt he'll ever go with me I'm ugly and to skinny . I can't even keep a razor off my skin for 48 hours .whats wrong with me .i feel tears drop down my face I wipe them away . I wish I would stop crying I hate it .it shows weakness . I lay back on the seat and look out the window. Repeating to myself " what's wrong with me" . I get off the bus as we get to my stop .i run into the woods up to my bedroom window.i jump in the window .i always keep it unlocked and opened . Except at night I just Leave it unlocked .i set my stuff down . I lay on my bed .i don't wanna be here right now .i hide under my blanket .thats my safe place ...sometimes .
I try hiding everything from emotions to physical appearance.i feel as though sometimes it doesn't work . It just gets worse and worse . I hate life so much I want out so bad .but every time I try I just pass out and wake up in a few hours .it pisses me off its like my body knows I can't go right now .
But y what is keeping me here.
"Just let me go " I cry .i feel so weak .what is wrong with me ....?
My last thoughts were Chris before i ended up crying my self to sleep like always .
