How to Be Clean

Tarnished.

" Look, it's not that you're bad or anything. I just don't think we see eye to eye at this point, I don't think we can go on like this anymore, "

" But Theo, I don't understand why you're doing this, aren't we fine- "

" It's just not working out anymore. I guess the feelings I had for you just kinda seeped away. I don't know how. I'm sorry. "

Noah watched her now ex-boyfriend leave, unable to move from the spot under the giant oak tree, still in a state of haziness from the scene mere seconds ago. To say this was the first time something like this happened would no doubt be a lie.

Noah knew how to deal with break-ups, of course she did.

She had dealt with them before, what difference was it this time?

She reached out to her temple and massaged it gently while kneeling down onto the ground.

" Yeah, this is no different from any other bad day. I can figure this out. Of course I can. Why would this be a problem? I'll be okay. "

But Noah wasn't okay. Everyone has their limits, and Noah had damn well passed hers.

So the evening was spent below the oak tree, in between small sobs and occasional murmurings of confused and insecure " I can't do this anymore ", until she decided she was well enough to kick off the cruel bite of the day - and life - and drag herself back home, where she would most probably continue to wallow in sorrow.

-

Home was a small apartment in West End London, tucked away from the lure of the vibrant city life that was promised in the area. Although if one decided to bask in the urban life, it would very well be right around the corner. The last thing Noah needed now was to be surrounded by throngs of people, knowing very well that she could probably burst into tears any moment and risk looking like a freak.

Not that she already wasn't.

Slamming the door shut, she plonked down onto the comically large teabag-shaped beanbag seated right next to the glass panels that overlooked the now illuminated city of Bloomsbury.

Looking down into the small quaint park right beneath her apartment, Noah remembered how she had scrimped and saved to afford to rent the cozy loft after all the trouble of trying to find an apartment that was located near her workplace and had a soothing view.

Except now the supposedly calming view wasn't meant to be. As if Noah didn't already feel wrecked enough, there seemed to be just about a million couples grazing the small park, in every corner that she managed to look. At that moment, the world seemed to be mocking her.

Noah can't even handle a serious relationship.

Noah doesn't even have a friend.

Noah wasn't good enough.

Noah felt her eyes water as they became moist with unshed tears threatening to roll down her pale cheeks any moment now.

Noah heard somewhere that if you blinked fast enough your tears would disappear. She blinked furiously and sure enough, it wasn't true. In fact, it made her tears pour out even faster as the collar of her sweater darkened with each drop from her eyes.

Why was the world so unfair?

She never did ask for much. All Noah wanted was to have a simple life. The usual - meet a guy, fall in love, get married and grow old, all that done with the company of a hell of a best friend and maybe even a dog - but it didn't seem to be working out in the least bit.

Moving into her bedroom, Noah felt indifferent. Theo left her, and he sure as hell wasn't coming back. The framed photograph of her and Theo sitting on the vanity beside the bed only served to further remind Noah of the events that evening, her mind filling with all things Theo. Who was she kidding? How was she going to recover from this?

This wasn't just a break-up.

This was the last straw. The last barrier that was holding in all the pent-up insecurities and dark emotions and anxiety.

Forcing herself to walk towards the vanity, Noah ignored the numbing pain settling in her legs as well as her heart and reached out to the photograph. Hesitating for a mere second, her hand freezing in mid-air, the memory of Theo's retreating back flashed through her mind as her fingers collided harshly with the mahogany frame. The delicate glass shattered as it came in contact with the floor, the wood piece snapping into two.

Run over with grief among all, Noah glanced up into the mirror and cringed at what she saw.

" That's not me, " she whispered.

At that moment, she didn't recognize herself anymore. It was as if there were a dozen scars blemishing her body. She could see the words ' heartbroken ' and ' despair ' and many other similar words marking her skin. She collapsed into bed. It was almost as if she was drowning in pain.

Noah felt vulnerable. She felt exposed.

She felt tarnished.

-

Let me know what you think of this story so far by commenting and voting even! As this is just an introduction chapter, it is a little short but don't worry, next chapter onwards will be substantial!
Updates will be on every Monday! Until then, have a great day my darlings!