How to Be Clean

Songs.

You searched the world for something else to

Make you feel like what we had

And in the end in wonderland,

We both went mad
-

Stretching her arms out and hitting the button on her phone, Noah stopped the alarm from rambling on any further. If anything, she was far from being in wonderland now.

Hell; now that was probably a more likely option.

8.01am

Remembering that she was currently on the first day of her much needed break, Noah groaned and wondered why she had forgotten to turn off the alarm the night before. Perhaps she wasn't used to having breaks like this. Routine always seemed to fall in place with her, and this was the least to say, something rare.

Shifting around the thick white sheets, she lingered on the comfortable mattress, listening to the soft patter of raindrops landing on the window opposite her bed. It certainly wasn't a bright sunny day.

Perfect.

Rainy days. Storms. Gloomy clouds and dark grey skies.

It was depressing, but Noah loved days like this. There was just something about rain that intrigued and piped the curiosity in her. She didn't know what it was, but there was something about it that she revelled in. Maybe it was the calmness of it all she felt when she looked at the raindrops falling from the sky, scattering people back into the comfort of shelter with family and friends. Maybe it was something else. And although it was cold during days like these, warmth was what she felt on the inside.

Gathering enough energy to lift herself off the warm embrace of the bed, Noah shivered slightly as her feet touched the cool floor, scuttering across the room to the kitchen to brew up a warm pot of tea for the gloomy morning.

A nice big pot of lemon green tea sounded perfect along with curling up on the window seat and getting lost in a book. It had been long since she had spent time leisurely like this, in tune with herself.

-

12.03pm

The hours went by quickly, but the downpour continued to wreak havoc on the city. Noah, having been engrossed in completing her mystery novel, closed the book and sat it on the cushion in front of her. She had finally finished it, and the somewhat happy ending was a bonus touch.

Putting the songs on her iPod to shuffle, Noah glanced out the window that overlooked the city, with dozens of people rushing back and forth during the lunch hour, not to mention trying to shelter themselves from the heavy rain that cascaded mercilessly onto the brightly coloured umbrellas that they held onto.

Realizing that the song playing off the speaker was now mild and saddening, Noah was surprised that she didn't reach out her hands almost immediately to press the skip button, but instead she eased into the song rather smoothly.

Well maybe we got lost in translation

Maybe I asked for too much

But maybe this thing was a masterpiece

Until you tore it all up

Running scared I was there I remember it

All too well

She could feel it. She could feel the pipes in her system being switched on, and a heavy flow of emotions seemed to take its place as a tear rolled down her pale cheek. It was as if her emotions had a mind of their own, and she held absolutely no reigns to controlling her feelings.

Noah hated it so much. She hated that she could not control her emotions. She hated the fact that she couldn't get over the break-up. She hated that cruel bastard for leaving her without a thought. She hated the vicious plans of fate that was carried out unto her life. But most of all, she hated herself for shedding tears for someone that didn't deserve it.

At all.

The lyrics hit her hard, but try as she might she just could not bring herself to turn off the song. It was something she needed. Noah realised that she always seemed to skip over the sad songs on her list. The songs were always there, just never played. In that moment, it dawned on her that maybe she was trying to escape the reality of it all. It had always been upbeat and happy tunes with her, it had always been a preference. Noah thought that maybe it was just because she was an optimistic person.

But maybe there was more to it than just that.

Noah never liked sad songs. The thought of sombre and dismal music paled her cheeks like no other. Which made it all the more surprising when she felt herself gradually moving towards blue melodies.

Maybe sad songs had a purpose after all. No, they weren't just depressing tunes that cast hooded grey clouds over sunny days. They weren't just there to make the world more daunting.

They exist to make you know what happiness truly is. They are there to make you appreciate the exhilaration of bliss when you grasp it successfully. Without sadness, there would be no happiness. Maybe sad songs weren't so bad after all.

Following the break-up, it was as if Noah was surrounded by melancholy tunes that played softly in the background wherever she went. But now, it seemed that there was a glimmer of hope that she could survive through it after all.

And even through the tears, Noah managed to force out a weak smile.

-

Hey guys, I'm terribly sorry for not updating in so long. I've been swarmed with school and preparing for exams and to top it all off, some really bad personal problems. But I'm back and I promise that I will try my super super best to update more frequently. Thank you so much for reading my story, it means a lot to me. Do vote and comment, I would love to hear your thoughts.

Love you guys, till next time then, stay safe