amongst the stars~(complete)

7.

It was raining instead of snowing and I couldn't skip school.

I sat through class and stared out the window. All of the teachers had given up on me years ago and they let me daze off.

Homework was always placed on my desk and I always finished it.

If I don't die before I graduate I have to do something with my life.

In the hallways I walk with the flow of the crowd and don't flinch when I hear it.

"Hey dyke!" 

I never responded, just keep walking until I'm at my locker.

I admire the small blood stains that cover it, from past beatings.

"Faggot bitch! I'm talking to you!!"

My hair is pulled and my reflexes cause me to drop my books.

I'm spun around and pushed against cold, hard metal.

I look at the boys in front of me. I never cared enough to remember their names.

One is tall with wild hair that flies in every direction like he's never once bothered to comb it. The other is short, shorter than me but his muscles bulge out of his shirt and I'm disgusted by the visible veins in his meaty forehead. The last one is a football player, he's tall and lanky with shoulders like the Great Wall of China and he's the one pushing me against the locker.

I give them a blank stare and notice the small crowd of people that has pooled around us. The people who are in no rush to get to class and live for the chance to see a freak get pounded.

This happens every single time.

I take the beatings, "Not gonna respond fag!!??"

I never respond.

USELESS
WORTHLESS
PATHETIC
PIECE OF SHIT

"When will you just kill yourself and make life better for everyone?"

And then they're gone, and I'm left alone to die.

I don't sob or cry or yell or go tell a teacher that the bullies beat me up.

I lay there and I bleed and watch it all pool around me with my spotty vision and I never notice when I finally stand up and make my way to the bathroom.

I look in the mirror and I'm so so disgusted by the person staring back.

So disgusted that I vomit the nothingness in my stomach right into the toilet.

Through it all I never felt a thing.