What he doesn't know

When I meet him

When I first meet him I was already in a relationship that I thought was a happy one at the time. I remember it clearly because I had just been transferred to a new store. He was one of the first people I meet and he was openly flirtatious towards me. For weeks he would hit on me and I would tell him that I had a boyfriend. He would say things like "I have a nice view from where I'm sitting" while he was behind me and I would say "yes, well those are my best assets" and continue on with my work. He would continuously ask me for my number and I would tell that I see no reason for him to have it. It was a couple weeks later that he left me alone and wouldn't talk to me. Me; being my ignorant self never thought anything of it.

It was not until two months later that I noticed my current relationship was going downhill because my current boyfriend was not putting in any effort into our relationship and it was noticed in my work ; as I became increasingly moody and frustrated more so then normal. It was when I noticed that I found myself thinking of my co-worker instead of my boyfriend at the time that I knew my current relationship had to end.

So of course I thought of ways to break up with my boyfriend but he beat me to it asking me to meet him at a restaurant near my house. Of course I tested him to see if he would pick me up....he avoided every possible way to have to pick me up and have me meet him there. I'm ignorant of a lot of things but I'm not stupid. I knew he was breaking up with me and as I asked him if he was. the response I got from him was that he was trying to give me the dignity of breaking up with me in person instead of over the phone. So we agreed to meet the next day.

I spent all night mulling over what I could say to my soon to be ex boyfriend; but I knew no matter what I said he wouldn't listen because he hadn't been listening to me our entire relationship. So I packed up his shirt and teddy bear he had given me and the next day I meet him and gave it back to him. I was ready to end things on a good note between us. I told him I knew no matter what I said he wouldn't listen and he then blamed the break up on me and had the gall to call me self centered.

Now in my twenty years of life I have never once been called self centered....in fact I was so stunned by this development that It took me a month to get over my shock and actually look up what that word meant. Because to be honest I had no idea what self centered even meant. Now don't get me wrong but I'm pretty sure if I have to look up what a word means and that I have never been called that before in my entire life (not even by all the people who have hated and bullied me) than I'm pretty sure that I am not that.

Of course my co-worker knew what was going on because I talked about it with my other co-workers who had become my friends. Also I wouldn't stop obsessing over the fact that someone would purposefully attack my character like that when I knew it wasn't true. I'm very sensitive when it comes to my character that is judged and attacked by people. So after my month of obsessing and then finally looking up the definition of the word. (Plus my co-workers and friends and my brother telling me that he was just being an asshole and said it because he couldn't find a legitimate excuse to dump me) that I got over it and started a new.

It just so happened that my manager the next day made a deal with me that when if I was able to; could I help with getting my co-worker to and from work and that he would pay for the gas. I agreed because basically it wouldn't come out of my check if I had to leave and hey; I was single and my one month of waiting between relationships (my own personal rule) was over.  Besides after my break up with my now ex boyfriend he had started talking to me and we actually got along pretty well.

It was when it was my first time to take him home that it happened. We were talking (I don't even remember what about) but I know that he kept starring at me and so I asked him why he was starring at me and he flat out said " Well, at some point I'm going to kiss you; but you wont know when it will happen."

"You're only going kiss me if I let you." was my response.

It was when I had pulled into his drive way and we were sitting there talking that he kissed me.

Now mind you since I started working I made a rule for myself not to date a co-worker. But I let him kiss me and though at first I was hesitant I kissed him back. I knew I was attracted to him but it wasn't until that kiss did I realize just how much I was attracted to him. Because let me tell you a first kiss does not normally turn into almost sex in the backseat of the car...which we somehow ended up in.

I say almost sex because I stopped it before it could get that far. I am not and never will be a one night stand nor will I sleep with someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. Mainly because my ex had used me just for sex (he was my first) and also because to this day one night stands are not something I could ever do because I like feeling like I'm cared about besides I refuse to ever be referred to as "easy". A girl has to have standards.

We talked and I told him I wanted a relationship not to be a one night stand. He said he was looking for a relationship. It wasn't until the next day when I insisted on taking him home to clarify what we were. Hey! I needed clarification on what we were because I was breaking my rule of not dating a co-worker because I found myself liking him. It was then it was determined to give us a try and see where it went. ....we had sex that day in the back seat of my car and I'll tell you it was the best sex I'd ever had.

He doesn't know that I broke my own personal rule to date him. Or all the other things that lead me to falling in love with him the way I have. It's  a strange feeling when at first you are so uneasy and don't want to end up hurt but then you end up falling in love with someone whom you never expected to fall for in the first place. And it's still only the beginning of it.