I know you haven't made your mind up yet

Part 7: What should have been

Carla's mind was in overdrive, it had been for the past two days. Ever since getting home from hospital all she could begin to think about was what could have been. Would the baby have been like Nick with his features or would it have followed Carla taking her dark hair and brown eyes? The thoughts ran through her mind and she knew that she would have loved that baby terribly.

"A baby aye?" Nick whispered upon entering the bedroom. He came and sat himself down on the bed, evident that he had also been thinking about it too. A baby was something that Nick had craved for a long time. He also, like Carla had been through the heartbreak of a miscarriage in the past and this time round it was no easier. After everything Carla had done, Nick was still there and still sticking by her side.

Tears streamed down Carla's face as she heard him, her mouth opened as if she was going to speak but words simply failed her.

"Car... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." Nick spoke apologetically moving so he could get underneath the covers. At this point Carla moved herself closer to him burying her head into his chest allowing herself to cry for a good couple of minutes. She needed this. "For the record I think you would have made a fantastic mother." He added once she had calmed down.

"Why are you still here?" She quizzed him in a tone that suggested he was in the wrong. Playing with the bracelet that she wore on her left wrist more words left her mouth. "After what I did with Robert, after spoiling our wedding day... Why aren't you on the other side of the world?" She asked, a confused Carla expected that he would have been long gone but he wasn't, he was still here. With her.

Nick raised an eyebrow surprised in the manner of tone she had used "why do you think? You need me right now." He spoke. "Was it my fault you lost the baby?" Nick blurted out now wanting to know if he was to blame, the thought had been playing on his mind for the last forty eight hours. Guilt completely overtook his body as there was every reason out there to blame him.

"It's my fault isn't it? How could I not know I was pregnant?" A frown lined Carla's eyebrow. "If I would have known I was pregnant then maybe, just maybe I would have been able to protect our baby." She spoke quietly, so quiet that it was almost silent. They were both blaming themselves believing that each of them were to blame for Carla's miscarriage.

A short, shallow sigh escaped Nick's lips. "What could you have done?" He asked her.

"Nick, it's not fair. Why can't I have my baby? Our beautiful little baby... We would have had a family, but my body rejected it. You talked for hours on end, how you wanted a family but what happens now? What if I can't give you one?" She spoke with a slight amount of fear in her voice.

"Then we don't have a baby." He simply responded. Yes, Nick wanted a family although something he wanted much more was Carla. If that meant giving up on the chances of having a family well, Nick was more than happy to do just that if it meant he had Carla.