How can I love you?

1

Do you ever just look at someone in complete awe? Like whenever you see them, you just think to yourself, 'Why are you so perfect?' or, 'I'm just so glad you exist.' Anything like that really. Don't you ever just look at them when they're doing such small things? When their head is sticking out the car window while driving. Their hair flowing with the wind. A big smile on their face. Don't you just look at them like they're the most perfect human being in the world? Do you have that one person who you love so much? You love them so much that it's very difficult to even explain it? That not even words or anything can explain how much you love them? And I'm not just talking about platonic love, here. I'm also talking about romantic love. Of course, this can also be related to you viewing your best friend, or an idol. But, I'm mainly talking about romantic love, I guess.

This is how I view her. Yes, she's my best friend, but I love her in that way. I see her in the way that anyone would see their soulmate. Their 'love of their life'. Their 'one and only'. I really do love her, and she doesn't know it. She thinks I love her in a platonic way. In a sisterly way, I guess. I want to tell her I love her in that way, yet I don't. What if she hates me? What if she stops talking to me? What if she spreads it around the school? She can be quite the gossiper. What if she doesn't swing that way? Yes, I'm a girl, and I'm a lesbian. No, I don't dress like a boy, or act like a boy. I'm not what society thinks a lesbian is. I'm just an average female, in love with another female. The majority of the kids in my school are straight. And I'm pretty sure she's one of them. Actually, I'm 100% positive she is straight. There's a part of me that hopes she isn't, though.

She doesn't know I'm a lesbian. She doesn't know I like girls. She doesn't know I love her. I'm still 'in the closet'. No one knows, basically. I'm a closeted lesbian in love with my best friend. And yes, I know this story seems like those cliché ones, and stuff, and I guess you're right. But this is different. I want to come out. I want the world to know that I'm a lesbian. I want her to know that I love her. I want everyone to know that I'm still human, despite my sexuality. Now the only reason I say that is because, literally everyone in my school degrades people who are part of the LGBT+ community. I'm not kidding. They bully anyone who's part of it, or even looks or acts like it! There was a girl in my class who looked and acted like a boy, and people bullied her because they thought she was a lesbian, when really, she wasn't. She changed schools because of it.

A new school year is starting. My last year of high school. My plans? Well, I plan to come out, for one. Maybe confess my love to my best friend? I want to change this school's perspective on people from the LGBT+. That's my main goal, aside from telling my best friend I love her. How am I going to do that? Well, I have no idea. I guess I'll just do my best, and see the outcome. If I manage to come out, and everyone hates me, including my best friend, I'll just change schools. Easier said than done, of course, but I'll try.

My name is Sheila Stone. And I'm in love with my best friend, Alexis Morrison.