How can I love you?

2

I woke up with a start. The sound of vigorous ringing was roaring through my ears and throughout my room. I turned to my side, and pushed the button on my alarm clock to shut it up. Yawning, I stretched and got out of bed. The first person to come to mind; Alexis. Obviously. Isn't it weird how the first person that comes to your mind when you wake up is your crush, or someone you really love? The way they occupy your mind 24/7 can just make you feel insane, right? It drives you crazy, day after day, and you want to stop it, but you just can't. You can't stop staring at them, and smiling whenever they do. When they're hurt, you're hurt. You try your hardest to stop your little crush on them, but it hurts. It's like they're slowly taking apart your brain and replacing it with images and little encounters you have with them. And when you're like me, a female who prefers girls over boys, you tend to get terrified with having a crush.

Anyways, I got out of bed, and did the usual morning routine. Brush my teeth, did my hair, wash my face, etcetera. Today was the first day of my senior year at Raven Oak High. I was pretty excited, but the thought of how I'm going to execute my plans, kind of terrified me. I knew that this wasn't going to be easy. I wasn't going to sing or dance through this like in High School Musical. Singing and dancing isn't my forte anyway. This was probably going to be the toughest thing I'll ever do in my life. I'm not going to be able to breeze through my plans so fast. I don't think I'll be able to just tell people, "Hey I'm a lesbian!" and expect them to be all, "Oh really? That's cool, Sheila." That's obviously not how that's going to work. I wish it were, though.

After getting dressed, and making my way downstairs to grab a piece of toast, I left the house and made my way to school. Raven Oak isn't all that far from my house, but since Alex and I made plans to meet a little bit early at school to check out our homerooms, I left my house earlier than usual. I walked on the sidewalk, and a soft wind blew gently. Cars were passing by, and the dried up leaves were getting blown gently by the wind. I stepped in a little pile of dry leaves, making a really loud crunching noise. I smiled softly at that, and continued my walk to school. It was a little quieter than usual, but I guess that's because I didn't have my earbuds on.

I arrived at the school gates, and entered inside the building. There were a lot of people inside already, but at least it wasn't as crowded as usual. I went inside the gymnasium where they had the list of homerooms posted, and looked for my name.

"Sheila Stone... Sheila Stone..." I mumbled to myself.
"Shi!" I heard someone call. Immediately, I recognized who this was from the nickname and voice. I turned around, and found Alex running towards me, screaming my name like a maniac. Alex stopped just in front of me, and put her hands on her knees, panting heavily. I chuckled. She's so cute.
"Jeez, Alex, you sure are pumped up about this." I smiled. Calm down, heart. I thought to myself.
"Well, obviously! It's our senior year! In June, we're going to finally get a life!" I laughed. God, why won't my heart calm down?

I stared into Alex's dark, hazel eyes. I felt heat rise up to my cheeks, and oh gosh, I hope she doesn't notice. She stood up straight, to stare into my eyes, and I couldn't help but smile. Her brown hair was curled, as usual, and she wore a black skirt, with a red crop top. She had black tights underneath her skirt, and was wearing black flats. She had the same messenger bag over her shoulder. She had it since freshman year, and it was black with white polka dots. In the middle said the name, "Alexis Megan Morrison". Isn't it crazy how even her name fits her perfectly? Her name goes so well with her dark hair, and hazel eyes.

Just staring at her, made me start feeling insecure. Do I look okay? Is my hair messy? I was just wearing dark denim jeans, a maroon crop top, and a white knitted cardigan. My blonde hair was straight, and fell down on my shoulders.
"Have your eyes gotten brighter, Shi?" Alex suddenly snapped me out of my trance.
"W-What?" I questioned, "What do you mean 'brighter'?"
"Your eyes look more bluer than usual. Haven't you noticed?" Alex leaned in closer to observe my eyes better. My heart started to increase its pace.

I never even noticed that my eyes have gotten 'bluer'. My eyes always seemed like that kind of ocean water color. Or maybe they were more of a normal blue eye color.
"Your eyes have definitely gotten bluer, Shi." Alex smiled. She stepped back from my face, and gave me one of her signature smiles. Oh god, I can't handle her.
"R-Really?" Totally keeping your cool there, Sheila. Stuttering. How great.
"Yes! You look so much more beautiful with your eyes like that!" Alex beamed, and her eyes shine like the sun. Holy crap. Commence intense blushing. I really hope Alex doesn't notice me blushing.
"Oh, I meant to tell you," she changed the subject, and caught my attention, "we're in the same class! Again!"
My eyes widened, "Oh my god, yes!" We both squealed. This is a good start. I could probably be able to execute my plan more easily, since we're in the same class.
"Buut, we're also in the same class as Ryan and Jack." Both Alex and mine's expressions turned from gleeful to disgust.

Oh god, Ryan. My ex-boyfriend. I only dated him because one, I was forced to by some other jerk wards last year, and two, because I wanted to see if I was really a lesbian. God, Ryan was the worst. He flirted with all the girls while with me. Even Alex! He's such a player, and I'm ashamed to even say that we did date. He was such an ass, and not the best boyfriend at all. This is why I prefer girls. Like Alex, for example. I mean, obviously. But you should know, that being a lesbian wasn't my choice. I didn't 'choose' to be a lesbian.

But anyways, Ryan Mitchell was my ex before I accepted I was a lesbian. His brother, Jack Mitchell, was Alex's ex. She found out that he was cheating on her, with multiple girls, and broke up with him on the spot. I guess being a fuckboy runs in the Mitchell family. I will admit, though, Ryan and Jack's looks make them attractive but their personalities are shit. If they weren't complete asses, I would date Ryan again, if I wasn't a lesbian. Ugh, I can't believe I'm in his class. Why??

Alex and I walked into our homeroom class, and were met with some new faces. Alex took her seat at the front, farthest from the door, and I took mine right behind her. She turned around to face me, making my heart skip a beat. She smiled at me so warmly.
"What did you do after my brother's wedding two weeks ago?" She asked. Alex's brother, Matthew, got married, and I was obviously invited to the wedding by Alex. The wedding was really fun, and Edith, Matthew's wife, was absolutely stunning in the wedding dress. I will never forget how gorgeous the little pearl beads were threaded onto her dress, and how it was covered in lace and silk.
"I just kind of lounged in my house." I told her. It was true, I really did just stay in my house wearing shorts and a tank-top. With my hair in a ponytail, too.
"Really? You could've asked me to come over, Shi." She pouted. Oh gosh her pout.
"Or me." An obnoxious voice added from beside me. My expression, along with Alex's, changed to a really disgusted one. Turning to my right, stood Ryan and Jack, giving us a smirk. Oh hell. I really just want to punch that smirk off their stupid faces.
"Yeah, Shi," Ryan smirked, pulling up a chair to sit beside me, and put his arm around me, "you could've called me and I would've been at your house in a flash. We could've had lots of fun, y'know?"
I gagged, "Like hell I would call you." I pushed his arm away, and pushed his chair far away from me, "After finding out how much of an asshole you are in sophomore year, I'm just so done with you."
"What about me?" Jack pouted. Well, fake pouted. He leaned into my face, and I leaned away, giving him a grossed out look.
"Stay the hell away from Sheila, you moron!" Alex exclaimed, pushing Jack away from me and standing up from her seat, "You cheated on me, more than once! You're a cheating asshole, and I won't let you touch or hit on Shi. That goes for you too, Ryan."

I looked at Alex in awe. I swear I think my heart skipped multiple beats already. I think I just fell deeper in love with Alex.