One Last Day in This Life

Getting "help"

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                    Part 2: Getting "help"

" Dear Diary (or whatever the flip imma call this thing),
10-20-15
        An awkward week has passed since my life has been completely flipped upside down. I'm not really telling my mom anything and she isn't  really seeming to do anything about it. We are to say the least at a standstill.
Until today that is, my mom came into my room and told me she has made me an appointment with a therapist at new clinic some lady she knew was opening up in town. I don't REALLLLY think a therapist is going to help me, But if it makes my mom feel better I'll just go along with it. Personally, I HATE talking to people about stuff. I don't really know what will come of this, but one thing i do know for sure is that no matter what, I'm NOT opening up to whoever this lady is.

10-30-16
10:30 a.m
Today is my first appointment with the therapist.. And I'm by no means at all excited about it, in fact I can't wait until it's finally over.
5:40 p.m
my therapist, who's name I didn't even bother to remember annoys me already. Her semi-short blonde hair with a single pink streak giving away that she's one of those women that tries too hard to look "hip" cuz that's what kids are doing now apparently. As if that isn't bad she acts as if she thinks I'm the most hilarious person in the world and everything is a fucking joke... don't be fooled, I'm NOT a funny person but if you say "Jesus Christ I'd love to punch this kid I know in the face" she'd probably laugh so hard she'd pee her pants and then vote you comedian of the year.. But like, what if I really just want to punch that kid in the face? I don't want to be laughed at for it! just... Just no. But let's just say by the time our first session was over she was highly recommending that we visit the psychologist that works out of the clinic and before I knew it setting up an appointment because, "It could be very beneficial to me to start me on meds apparently. meds. I don't know how I feel about that. I've know someone who has taken those and they completely altered their personalities and totally changed who they were, it scares me to think that that could happen to me too.
5:50 p.m
OH MY FUCK. What has my life come to? Apparently I've gotten to the point where everyone around me must think I've gone absolutely mad. what's wrong with me, what's wrong with me, WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME... God I hate myself... Now I've gotten to the point where I'm getting in the way if everyone around me, my mom had to drive me to all these fucking appointments and pay co-pays for all the appointments, and I HATE the thought that anyone worries about me, I mean I certainly don't... Why should they have to either?. Right?... RIGHT??!! I don't know, but what I do know is that I'm exhausted and I have way too much homework to do. Goodbye, Goodnight."

        "Goodbye, Goodnight" I wrote finishing off the latest entry of things going on in my life with a
quote from Famous Last Words, my favorite band's movie based off of their concept record "Two-Faced Charade". I must be too obsessed with music... Is this even normal? But I wasn't kidding when I said I was tired and had too much work. I get the feeling my teachers have a secret cult together in which they plot ways to all give out large summative projects that require a shit ton of time all on the exact some day. Life is just peachy isn't it? Hardy har har. Pulling out my huge binder sloppily filled with a crap ton of papers I began the stressful endeavor  of staying up till the wee hours of the morning in order to complete all assignments given, but considering I'm a horrible student... And I'm tired as fuck... Sleep sounds nice.
     If you've ever tried falling asleep when you're extremely stressed and worried about something you know... IT ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY FUCKING SUCKS. Not even exaggerating... and considering I was unable to find a comfy spot due to my tossing and turning I knew this was gonna be one long ass night. Considering I can't sleep I could probably do all my work, But that's like... WORK. Ya know? And like, that's NOT happening right now. Plus I'm sure it will be absolutely fine anyhow. I can always do the work tomorrow I remind myself and slowly but surely drift off to an uneasy sleep.

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