lockdown - c.h. {on hold}

four : 2257

"Ever since I can remember, my family has always been your stereotypical 'Republican' family-self-made businessman as the father who's rarely home, the housewife with the perfect curls and pristine nails who loves nothing more than a gossip with the housewife next door, the older son who is a virtuoso at football, the captain of the team, the king of their high school, and then the little gap-toothed girl with her hair in bunchies who dreams of one day being the carbon-copy of her mom. We were a rich, caucasian, privileged suburban family, and I had everything I could ever want. Matt was always there to stick up for me, as was my best friend and convenient neighbour, Luke. 

"Luke and I were inseparable; every memory I have as a young child right up to a few years ago, he features in it somewhere. From climbing trees and scoffing knees to sneaking out to parties, he was there. He was my best friend, my confidante, my soulmate, our parents always dreamed we would one day get together and get married, you know, like those really cheesy chick-flicks, "childhood-friends-turned-adult-lovers" story. 

"Yet, I never felt - right, or like I fitted in with that lifestyle. The only way to describe it was like someone had switched me and another baby at the hospital when I was born. I never followed in their beliefs as I got older, and I always questioned their ideologies. I felt the life i was living was wholly wrong when there were people out there suffering insurmountable burdens and struggles in their daily lives. Whilst my family campaigned for Republicanism and benefits for whites, I was on the other side of the protests campaigning for equality and liberalism. We constantly argued over my stance and beliefs and how they contradicted 'everything the family stood for'. My mother was ashamed, my father disgusted and Matt was disappointed. Luke was exactly the same, a product of his growing up, and he too was upset, although he would never explicitly tell me, I could tell.

"As I grew up, and became more distant from them all, Luke began to side more with my family than me, his best friend for 15 years, agreeing with them and chastising me for my actions when they weren't around to do so. I could tell we were drifting apart, and there was nothing I could do about it, I was't going to change what I believed in, and he wasn't going to either. 

"When I was 17, I became much more free-spirited and wild hearted-I would be sneaking out every night to go to parties and experimenting, as well as attending left-wing rallies and protests. I truly learnt what it meant to live as a carefree teenager. They were unsurprisingly horrified-yet they thought it was just a phase I would grow out of; with some gentle coercion. I would be moulded back into the girl who aspires to be her mother. Of course, the polar opposite happens, as it often does-I ended up falling in love.

"I still remember the night I brought him home for the very first time-my mother smashed her vintage tea cup, filled with some diffused green tea, as she stood at the kitchen counter, her hands flying to cover her mouth in horror, my father storming down the stairs from his home office to throw a barrage of insults at my boyfriend and humiliate me. Matt shook his head with blatant shock and upset-how could his perfect little sister change so drastically? The thing was Calum, the reason they hated him, and me so much, was because Rory was black. 

"He was so beautiful. Dark mahogany skin, perfect white teeth and these hazel eyes that glistened like the sun when it sets across a sea or ocean and all the colours sparkle like rare jewels upon the calm waters. He had the most beautiful laugh I've ever heard, comparing it to the voice of angels wouldn't do it justice. He was so beautiful, and he was mine. We were head over heels for each other, a bond that could never be broken. It was indescribable, the feeling we shared, I don't think I can ever recreate it with someone else, it was a unique, once in a lifetime connection we held. But my family didn't see it.

"They were disgusted I would bring such shame upon their house by allowing a black man into their home. Luke too, was horrified-it turned out he was infatuated with me, and had been since we were little, but I pony ever saw him as a brother rather than a lover. He took out his bitterness that I had picked a black man over him on our friendship, and it quickly crumbled under the strain of the countless arguments we had over my voices, and how it didn't involve him. He began to resent me, and it only got worse.