Love isn't always on time

Time heals all wounds

September

There are two things that life has taught you up until this point.

One. Love cannot save you from death and sorrow.

Two. You cannot teach your heart to not feel for the people in your life.

No. Not people. Person. A person you had and lost within the time it took for you to see things clearly for the first time in your entire life. A person you let slip through your fingers when all you had to do was to do the right thing.

A person you will never see again.

That's the one thought on repeat on your mind. Although you try your best at suppressing it with classwork. But it's there, every minute of every day, it's there as a reminder of the summer you spent wishing that she'd come back. But she didn't.

And all you hear, from those who still are in contact with her, is that she's never coming back.

You'll never see her again and that's exactly what she wants.

When people talk about heartache they usually talk about the romantic kind of love that has been lost. Yet, you've never felt like this when you parted with someone you'd been in a relationship with. No heartbreak has been as bad as this one. The one caused by losing your best friend.

The problem with living alone in an apartment made for two, and having to cover the whole rent becomes a serious problem after the first month of being back at college. So you decide to move. There's nothing stopping you and really, you need a break from that place. When you first mentioned it to Octavia she, like the kind-hearted girl she is, offered to you to stay at hers. Only, she's living in a dorm and even though you didn't see a problem with crashing on her couch for a couple of days it felt wrong to occupy her already limited space. That was when Bellamy told you about the spare bedroom he hadn't been able to rent out to anyone, apparently had the guy that used to his roommate decided to quit college for unlimited time.

(You quickly learn one more thing that month; the Blake siblings are the most loving and caring people left in your life.)

So that's where you find yourself - in the second bedroom in Bellamy's apartment, one door away from where you used to live happily an eternity ago. It serves as a comfort in many ways, mostly because you've quickly grown to appreciate Bellamy and his lack of ability to tiptoe around you. Even if you haven't gotten around to actually telling him that or that when you tell him to shut up at 11 pm at nights when he shuffles around the apartment, you never do because he's bothering you, it's more the attitude you have towards each other. When it comes down to it, listening to him wander around and do whatever he does, it provides comfort and a sense of safety. And you know now that you're bad at living alone, something you should have noticed during the summer but was too caught up to feel.

But, it also hurts. Living so close to a lot of memories. What sometimes feels like a whole life of memories. More than once have you stopped in front of that door, tried to open it with a key that fits the lock but won't turn it, only to come to your senses and realize the simple truth. Maybe it's exactly what you deserve. A constant reminder of what once was, of what will never be again.

Because she isn't coming back to forgive you.

-----

October

You peek up from your phone, only to find Bellamy rapt up in his own thoughts. By the look of it, they are driving him to the edge of insanity. With a simple motion you lock the screen and place the phone next to your plate. Your stomach growls and your mouth waters by both the smell and sight of your food - a good slice of Hawaiian pizza. But even before you sink your teeth into it you look up again. Bellamy is still caught up within himself, with his eyes staring empty at the saltshaker between you.