Bigger Than Us (A Steamy Romance) BOOK ONE

Chapter One

He knew when it was. In fact, he could pinpoint the exact moment it happened. It wasn't any of the moments that he would have expected it to be. It was something so removed, so innocuous that he couldn't understand it. It was as he lay staring at the walls, still clinging to their scent of paint, that he realised.

It wasn't the first sleepless night he'd spent staring at the walls. At first he'd told himself it was from being in a strange place. Well, strange-ish. It had been a long time since he'd slept in Simon's old flat. Then he told himself it was the pain from his stitches and cuts. Sometimes he blamed too much coffee or watching too many episodes of The X Files before bed. It was none of those things. Deep down, he knew it.

He closed his eyes, but didn't try to sleep. He knew that was futile. He had too much on his mind to drift away. Now he'd realised when it was, the moment it happened, his mind went over and over the day trying to make sense of it.

It was the day she helped him paint.

He could still see her standing by the wall, rolling the paint across the expanse and reliving the tale. That was it, he realised. It was the moment she relayed the story of her lost love that he started to see her differently. Until then, there was something that was missing from Kim. He'd never really been able to explain it, but there was a vagueness of emotion, as though she had blocked off so much of herself that she didn't allow herself to feel very much any more. He supposed that, with all she had been through, that as natural. But although she had always said she loved her wife and was happy with her there was something that didn't seem right. It didn't seem to be that same depth of feeling that he'd shared with Simon, or the same depth of feeling he'd seen in other couples. It wasn't until Kim had shared the story of herself and Shaz that he'd seen why.

"She was your one true love," he'd said quietly, "wasn't she?"

It was with a broken voice that Kim had whispered, "Yes," as she'd nodded slowly.

How many years had Kim had to keep that a secret, he wondered. It was a terrible thing to have to do. But then again, who could she tell? Or how?

"I'd never felt that way about anyone before I met Shaz," Kim had told him, "and I've never felt that way since."

That was when Robin realised why Kim's relationship had never actually seemed perfect to him as an outsider. Kim clearly loved Linda but she wasn't 'the one'. The One was 'Shaz', a girl that Robin had never met but who brought a sparkle to Kim's eyes. Robin had never heard her speak with such passion about anything before. From the moment she started to talk about her to the moment she finished Robin saw a different side to Kim, one she'd done a good job of keeping hidden. As her tragic story unfolded Robin found himself painting less and listening more. By the time she finished speaking he realised he had stopped painting completely and was sat on the floor, his hands cupped around his chin, listening to her intently as though her words had cast a spell over him.

He was surprised when he felt almost tearful by the end of her tale, but even more surprised when she started to cry. He had truly never seen Kim crying. It took a lot to move her to tears. The depth of her feelings for Shaz, despite the short time they'd apparently had together, was clear to see. He almost didn't know what to do when he saw a tear rolling down her cheek. Kim was one of the toughest people he'd ever met. Was he supposed to comfort her or would she shrug him away crossly and tell him not to be so stupid?

"Kim," he'd said quietly. When she didn't respond and made no attempt to assure him she was fine he moved across the room and slid an arm around her shoulders as she sank to the floor. How hard had she been working at blocking Shaz out of her mind for all those years? He supposed it was like breaking a window on an aircraft – suddenly everything was getting sucked out into the sky. The seal around Kim's memories had been broken when she'd heard a certain song, the song she forever linked with Shaz, and now the memories were flooding out uncontrollably.