Pusher

five.

The Wendy's parking lot was almost empty save for a few of the employee's cars parked in the back. I gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles, trying to untie the knot that had been pulled taught inside my stomach. My skin was slick with perspiration but ice slid down my back. I pulled my sweater tighter around myself.

A flash of black and white rolled past in my rearview mirror and my heart nearly leaped out of my chest as I scanned the side. Dayton Police Department, it read. I didn't release my breath until the cruiser curved around the building and stopped at the drive-through. Even then, my heart continued to hammer in my chest and fill my ears with its rapid beat. My fingers clutched around my purse, holding it tightly to my side.

I was not cut out for this. At all.

Pink palms slapped the passenger's side windows and I jumped, my head whipping around to see Dante's broad grin. Another heavy breath passed through me and I unlocked the doors. He slid into the seat, still wearing his red employee polo shirt. How he managed to get a job in this crap economy was beyond me.

"I'm on break, but I don't have a lot of time," he explained. Neatly folded green bills were held between two fingers, outstretched to me. I took the cash, pausing to count it before throwing it inside my purse. My fingers dug around for the little baggie of marijuana, but instead found two, one much larger than what I had promised Dante.

I froze, internally cursing my cousin. I told him this was the last time. When had Miles slipped this into my purse? Why couldn't he just listen to me for a change?

"You got it, right?" Dante asked, breaking me away from my thoughts.

"Uh, yeah," I said and handed him the smaller of the two. Another broad grin spread across his face and he shoved it into his pocket.

"I still can't believe you're a slinger. Nobody's gonna believe this," he laughed, shaking his head.

I could feel my color draining as he spoke.

"Do you think you could, you know, just not tell anyone about this?" I asked, my heartbeat already thrumming faster in my chest. My voice was light but much too high pitched.

"Oh yeah, sure," he said, but there was a certain hesitation to his answer. He glanced out the window before returning my gaze.

"Who did you tell?" I asked slowly. My breath was already coming shorter, a cold sweat breaking out over my neck.

"I might have given your number to a few of my friends," he admitted, an apologetic smile tweaking the corners of his mouth.

My stomach flipped and my head spun. I gripped the wheel in an iron grasp and my forehead flopped onto the top. A groan passed through me, more out of despair than frustration. I was going to get caught. They would find out I'd been selling weed and I'd get a probation officer just like Maverick. My mom would throw me out of the house and next year I'd have to go to some community college while I lived off government welfare.

My life was over.

"It's totally fine," Dante assured me, his words rushing out much too quickly. "I'll tell them it was some big joke, that it's a bunch of fake digits. Just don't answer any texts from unknown numbers for a little while."

"Do you really think that will work?" I asked, peeling my forehead off the leather of the steering wheel. My hands still gripped the sides much too tightly.

"Sure, I screw with them all the time." Dante made another glance out the window, this time back at the building. "Look, My manager is going to be wondering where I am. But just stay right here for a minute. I'll be right back."

He was already gone by the time it took me to nod in response. I let my forehead fall back on the top of the wheel, breathing a thick gust of air in and out of my chest at a slow pace. I had to hold it together, at least until I got home. I couldn't have a melt-down now, not until I was safely barricaded behind my bedroom door.

Dante, true to his word, did come back within the minute. He didn't bother sliding back in the passenger seat, just tapped my window until I rolled it down. The cup was pushed into my hand, stinging my skin with the cold.

He got me a frosty.

"It's on the house," he said, offering a sheepish smile, and then dashed back inside before I could thank him. My laugh had a twinge of disbelief, borderline hysteric. What was I doing here? What was I doing with my life?

I forgot the window was rolled down until a cool gust of air blew in, so I closed it up again and shoved my keys back into the ignition. I turned the radio up, barely aware of what song was playing, and drove out of the parking lot with a strange buzz that was part despair and part glee.

This whole stunt was so unlike me, and that scared the hell out of me. But at the same time this was so unlike me, and that was more exciting than I could ever imagine.

I took the long route home, pausing longer than necessary at red lights and stop signs to eat my frosty. My stomach was still doing flips, but it gave my mouth something to do and distracted me enough for now.

When I pulled in front of my house I sat in the car for two more songs, eating and glancing down at my purse. I wasn't quite sure how much marijuana was packed into the bag, but I knew it had to be way beyond the legal carry limit. What was Miles thinking?

I debated whether to take it inside or not. My mom didn't normally snoop, but did I really want to risk her stumbling across its hiding place and finding it? The last thing I needed right now is her thinking that I'm on my way to becoming a burn-out. She'd never let me see my cousin ever again.

But then again, it was a risk to keep it in the car. I didn't know when the next drug sweep was going to be at Dayton High but I did know anyone who parked in the student lot was subject to search. They didn't go into the cars of course, but the dogs would be able to smell this much weed a mile away. Best to just take it inside, that is, until I can push it back on Miles.

I was surprised to find the back door already unlocked and my mom sitting at the kitchen table. She had her head in her hands. It was strange seeing her without her navy nurse scrubs.

My heart kicked into overdrive at the sight of her, my cheeks flushing. I was awful at lying to my own mother. I hadn't even been asked a question yet but my hands were already slick.

She glanced up at me with puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. The stray strands of her thick brown hair, one of the traits I had inherited, stuck to her face as she struggled to stop weeping. I hadn't seen her look this devastated since my grandfather died. She looked so old.

"Mom, what's wrong?" I asked, discarding my things at the door. I was gravitating towards her, nothing but fear running through my veins. We didn't have much family left with dad gone and all of my grandparents long since departed in their graves, but there were enough people left to worry about. "Did something happen to Aunt Kelly?"

"No, no. Nothing like that," she said, a short laugh following her words. She always found tart humor in my overreactions. "I've been laid-off."

And with those words, our world shattered.