Pusher

Bonus Chapter #1

I crammed the last of the crudely taped cardboard boxes into my back seat and brushed hands off on my jeans. My eyes were on a continuous sweep all day, looking around for anything I might be forgetting, but as they roamed around one last time, all I found was Maverick.

His lean frame was resting against the side of my car, hands stuffed into his pockets. The deep cuts down this sides of his muscle tee left the better part of his torso exposed. It became a necessary wardrobe modification now that it was well into August and he still insisted wearing black every day of the week.

His dark eyes watched me with a curious interest and, not for the first time, I wished I had chosen to commute to the nearby community college rather than picking a university over an hour away. But it was already decided, well before Maverick and I even entertained the idea of us being together.

I had come to terms with it a long time ago, the inevitability that it would mean the end of us. It was only a couple of weeks ago that we finally had to address it. I had been avoiding the topic all summer, but Maverick could tell it was on my mind.

We were lying in bed together, still tangled in each other more so than the sheets. My head rested on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat lull me to sleep. Maverick was far from slumber, much too restless to fall under. I had grown used to falling asleep in his fidgeting arms, fingers drumming against my skin and constant shifting. I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary until the beat of his heart picked up, rapid and rushed, and then he said it.

"Do you still want to be with me after you leave for school?"

I shifted, raising my head to look him in the eye. My lips parted by no words came out. How was I supposed to tell the boy I trusted more than anyone else that I was alright with him moving on? How did I make it sound like it wasn't a lie?

"Can we talk about this is the morning," I asked, playing off the grogginess in my voice. I didn't want to face this. Not tonight, not ever.

"Just say it, Angel. I can take it."

"Well, of course I want to be with you," I began, shifting off of him. His arms reluctantly fell away so that I could.

"But?"

"But I'm not about to force you to put your life on hold for me. It's not fair. It's selfish."

He nodded and pulled me back into his chest. I slid into his hold and tried not to imagine it as an illusion. I no longer wanted to fall asleep. I needed to soak up every heartbeat, every moment we had left while I still could.

The thump in his chest never slowed, still the racing drum that played when he first posed the question. His voice rumbled through his skin, words spilling out in a rush.

"Stay with me," he blurted, "I don't care if it's selfish to say. I want you to stay with me."

I picked my head up once more, searching his eyes. Dark and desperate and waiting for an answer. I nodded.

"I'm not going anywhere."

We were so sure then, laying in each other's arms, but things seemed less certain standing here in front of each other with our last goodbyes on our lips.

I slid into his arms, letting the familiarity of the motion guide me. I pressed a light kiss to his lips, perhaps the last one for a long time, and tried to get the gravity of the situation to register. Wrapped in his casual embrace, playful eyes looking me over, it was impossible not to feel like we would be back in each other's hold in no more than a day's time.