Random Poetry and Writings

4/14/16

It is currently 12:21 in the US and I again cannot sleep.

I had a great day

Until my stepdad decided to be a dick.

But then I got to talk to my friends, and help them out with a few things.

So I'm okay...kind of.

I keep thinking things...

Bad things....

Things that I know are not true but at the same time I know they are true. I conflict myself and I hate it.

I want to do nothing but sleep

But that's just to distract myself from what I really want to do.
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God I'm such a failure.

No matter what I do,

No matter how hard I try,

I fail.
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If I can't help myself, how am I supposed to help you?

I'm supposed to protect you

I'm supposed to help you

I'm supposed to be there for you,

But I couldn't.

I can't.

I've failed you.
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I'm sorry mo shíorghrá. I'm so fucking sorry.

For everything

For nothing

For all of it
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And I am still terrified of failing.

What if I relapse?

What if I can't help you?

What if I mess up again?

What if something happens, and I can't be there to help you.

I'm so worried all of the time about you.

I wish I could be there to hold you.

I wish I could be there to show you how beautiful you are mo shíorghrá.

I wish you knew how the stars shone with jealousy over you.

I wish you knew how when the birds sing and the trees dance, they do so for you.

I wish you could see how I see you, because I want you to fall in love with yourself, as I have fallen in love with you.

I wish you knew how much I need you; how much I can't breathe without you; how much you have saved me.

The thought of you gives me hope that tomorrow is going to be better, because I will be able to talk to you again, and tell you how much I love you.

Is brea liom tù, mo shíorghrá.

-Kieran