2012

Chapter 12

Lauren's POV

I had the worst weekend of my life. Keana and I weren't talking, I played my worst soccer game yet, making us lose, and worst of all my throat was starting to get sore. Of all the weeks it had to be this one. In just two days on Wednesday we were supposed to fly to LA and perform on Ellen on Thursday, but my voice was so dry and rusty. I sounded horrible. Everything was horrible. On Sunday, I just curled up into a ball and stayed in bed all day with the exception of eating soup and drinking tea and vitamin C.

It was Monday and my mom suggested I skipped which I did but still wanted to talk to Keana. I needed to speak to her after our fiasco on Friday. We were in another rut again and we had to fix it at least before I left. At 10:40 am I had on sweatpants, a hoodie, and sunglasses, trying to appear unnoticed as I walked to lunch at school. No one, not even the girls knew I was stopping by but I just had to talk to my girlfriend. Knowing her, she was obviously going to be sitting with my other friends instead of the girls since I wasn't there.

"Keana," I whispered tapping her on the shoulder.

"Lauren? What are you doing here? I thought you were sick," she furrowed her eyebrows.

"Lolo, that you?" Lucy squinted, looking at me.

"Shhh I'm not here," I whisper yelled, causing my friends to laugh. "Meet me in the library," I told Keana before whisking away. I waited for her for five minutes before she walked over to me.

"Why are you here?" she asked, crossing her arms. Yep, she was still upset with me.

"Keana, I'm so so sorry. I didn't know what to think last Friday night. I was such an asshole for not saying anything after you said you loved me," I looked sadly into her eyes.

"Well... yeah I guess I was...a little sad," she spoke softly.

"And I feel terrible for making you feel that way. Especially after what we did. It was so wrong of me to take advantage of your feelings like that. I'm so very sorry, babe," I moved closer to hold her waist.

"I mean if you don't love me, Lauren, then you don't love me. At least you didn't lie, saying that you did," she avoided my eyes.

"It's not that I don't love you. I...I'm just not ready...to say it. I don't know why but love is a very big deal to me. I don't go around saying it to whoever unless I truly love them or if it's in a friendly way of course. But you're not my friend. You are so much more than that and when I eventually say it, I want to genuinely, honestly, truthfully say it without any hesitation. I want to be sure of myself and really mean it."

"But you don't mean it," she whispered.

"Not yet. I will someday. I know I will. But not yet." She just nodded slowly still looking sad. "You will hear it from my lips eventually. And when the time comes, it's going to be worth it, I promise," I turned her cheek for her to look me in the eyes.

She held back a sob and I pulled her into my chest, kissing the top of her head.

"You still mean the world to me and you will always be in my heart, Keana," I whispered in her ear as she cried into me. "That's never going to change." We stayed there till the bell rang 10 minutes later. "Shit, I made you miss lunch."

"It's okay, I wasn't that hungry," she sighed, pulling away from my arms.

"I'd kiss you right now but I'm still a little sick."

"Yeah. Wouldn't want that for Ellen," she said quietly.

"I hate to leave you here now more than ever," I shook my head.