Willa & the Extraordinary Internship

CH. 38

There was a long pause on the other end. Willa listened to the even breaths of air until she could no longer stand it. Just as she opened her mouth to speak, Jackie heaved a long-suffering sigh.

"What do you want, Willa?" she questioned, sounding tired and resigned.

"I want you to change your mind."

Jackie laughed. "That's confident. If I wasn't so pissed at you, I might actually be impressed."

Willa took a deep breath. "For a smart woman, Jackie, you're about to make dumb mistake."

This time, Jackie wasn't so silent. "Excuse me?" she said, voice reverberating through the phone. "I don't know what you learned from Paige, sweetheart, but you win more flies with—"

"You're making a mistake," Willa repeated, loud enough to drown out Jackie's indignant sputtering. "I'm not Paige. I'm not writing for my five minutes of fame or to make a quick buck. I write because I have a story to tell. I'm not going to give you an old manuscript that I no longer feel passionate about. I want to give you something real, something raw, something that really could be the next The Fault in Our Stars. And if I'm the kind of writer that you want to work with, then I want to work with you, Jackie. But I'm not going to sell out by pursuing a book that doesn't reflect who I am anymore. I won't do that to myself."

Jackie let her finish, her staticky breaths on the other side the only indication she was still listening. "Are you through?" she said after Willa concluded her speech, not even trying to hide her annoyance. Without waiting for an answer, she exhaled in a long, slow puff. "Those are pretty words, Willa, but your shit still stinks. You screwed me over. Big time."

Willa had braced herself for Jackie's disappointment, her anger, and so she had deflated as soon as she'd said what she needed to say. "I underst—"

"You really feel that strongly about this story?" Jackie interrupted.

"Yes."

"I'm not promising anything," Jackie said in a guarded voice.

"I wouldn't expect you to," said Willa, resisting the urge to let the glee seep into her voice and jump up and down like a crazed One Direction fan.

"I want it by the end of the week." Jackie's finger drumming could be heard, dull little thumps that sounded irritated and anxious. "If you can't do that, then don't contact me again."

Before Willa had a chance to say thank-you, Jackie hung up.

It felt good to take control, to tell someone how things were going to be rather than just accepting the terms someone else set out. It was a luxury she had never quite been able to afford with Maryam and Cyn. Someone might call it stupid, to be picky about such a good opportunity, and others might call it ballsy, to lay it all on the table without having an ace up your sleeve.

Maryam would be proud of me, Willa thought, almost smiling. They would have gone to the Little Sunflower to celebrate, and maybe Cyn would be there, maybe not, but irrespective, the little jaunt down memory lane made Willa realize something.

It was possible to miss someone without wanting them back in her life.

It came as a shock to her. Like an amputated limb, she thought that Maryam would always be a part of herself that she would miss. She would feel the phantom pain of loss, of something she would never get back, and she would bury it in writing, in her job, in her boyfriend, in her parents. Willa had just come to accept that Maryam, the former constant in her life, would still haunt in her future.

But after the phone call to Jackie, she felt rejuvenated and whole again. She didn't feel like she was half of herself, half of a Willa. It baffled her that she'd ever thought her friends made up her identity. Willa had been synonymous with Maryam and Cyn, always part of a trio, but never someone who, on her own, could be the main character in her own life.

So was it any wonder that she had channeled her inner Cyn instead of digging deep for her own inspiration? For the first time since everything had happened, Willa was ready to admit it. Not out loud, because that was still scary, and not to Nate, who maybe wouldn't understand. But to the one person who it had actually mattered to.

Cyn.

Author's Note: What do you think Willa will have to say to her former frenemy? Anyone rooting for them to patch it up? I'm zipping my lips on what's actually going to happen, but I'd love to hear some theories. :) Chapter 38.5 will be up later this week!