Don't blink. (A Phan soulmate AU)

Dan Howell, professional fangirl

Sometimes, I just want somebody to hold, someone to give me their jacket when it's cold. Get that young love even when we're old. Sometimes I want someone to grab my hand, pick me up, pull me close, be my man. I will love you till the end. So if you're out there I swear to be good to you, but I'm done looking, for my future someone, 'cause when the time is right you'll be here, but for now dear No One, this is your love song.

Dear no one by Tori Kelly.

Dan Howell's personality had changed a lot since he was a kid.

When he was five years old, he was a happy boy. He always smiled to everyone and tried to make everyone have a good time. He was young and didn't have anything to worry about. His worst fears were things like loosing his Tamagotchi in his grandma's garden or falling off the bike when learning to ride it.

His years at school weren't that bad either. He had fun with his friends, played in the breaks and got good grades without having to work much. His family always talked about what an intelligent boy he was, how he would end up doing big things and stuff like that. The most damage a boy in school could do to him was taking a big bite of his lunch.

The summer Dan turned ten years old he learned what a soulmate was, because her cousin Jessica found her's, a cute girl called Becky. For Dan, the fact that they bouth were girls wasn't such a big impact, there were people who were bothered by it, but they ended up accepting it. If your soulmate was someone of your same sex there was nothing they could do about it, after all once you meet your soulmate you're expected to spend your life with them. Dan didn't care much about soulmates before that, but then he saw how Becky had changed his cousin. She used to be mean to everyone, she always seemed to hate everything. She still was like that sometimes, but it was completely different when she was around Becky. Sure, at first she treated her as if Becky was any other person, until one day Becky left. Dan, being only a kid, didn't know what had happened, he only knew that when Becky came back everything was different. Jessica looked at her as if she was the only person that mattered in the world, even more, she looked at her as if she was the world.

From that day on, Dan started to dream about his soulmate. Whould they a boy or a girl? Dan had never felt attraction towards any girl, so he hoped it was a boy.

But still, Dan didn't worry too much. He knew that at some point he would meet him, and he would love him, and the other boy would be the first person to love him back, and they would be happy. He knew that after meeting his soulmate he wouldn't have to worry about anything ever again.

By the age of thirteen, Dan had imagined several scenarios where he could meet his soulmate. Everytime he went outside his house (which didn't happen that often) he thought: What if it's today? What if I go outside and meet him?

When he turned fifteen, most of his classmates had already found their soulmate, and Dan started to feel rather lonely. One day, he thought that it would be a good idea to talk about it with one of the boys in his class. He told him about his fear of never founding a soulmate, about how much he dreamt about it... The boy was clearly uncomfortable, but Dan didn't notice, and the boy didn't tell him until Dan expressed how he preferred for his soulmate to be a boy.

"What?! How can you want that?"

"What's wrong with that?" Dan asked without understanding his friend's sudden outburst.

"That's disgusting..." The boy said.

"What?! There are plenty of gay people in our class. You're friends with them!"

"But that's different!"

"How is it different?!"

"They didn't choose to be fags. It just happened, their soulmate happened to be the same sex, but they would change it if they could. Or at least, they would have chosen different before."