Alone and Abused

I sit on the couch weeping, tears of sorrow, disbelief, anguish. I don't know what to do. I still smell his breath, the putrid smell of alcohol spilling out of his mouth breathing into mine. Him pressing down on top of me, holding me down. His rough hands reaching to my clothes, ripping them off . The visions clear in my head of him being on top of me pushing down into me, forcing me to open up and let him in. It hurt, the pain was incrediable, un-expected and unberable, I cried out but no one else was around.

I couldn't do anything, he was so bigger, stronger than me and impossible to fight against. I tried, but it was impossible. I can feel bruising forming on my legs already, good thing it is winter and I can wear pants so no one will see. He nearly punched my face. I warned him that people would see and ask so instead he punched my stomach, it is sore, like incrediably sore and black already. I don't know what just happened. I can't even think straight, I want to scream and run away, but I am scared he will chase me and do it all again. Should I call someone, tell someone? what if he finds out, everything will get worse. I never thought he would do this. I loved him, maybe I still love him. how can I love someone who just did that to me though?

I glance around the room lifting my head for the first time in half an hour, I have finally stopped crying. I see my refletion in the window. Mascara running down my face, a bruise on my neck from him sucking, my clothes that I put on are inside out. The distress etched into my face is unberable to look at, I turn away and run out of his house. I run down the street, people glance at me, have no idea what has just happened and go on with their lives.