I am not able to understand anything, I don't know what is happening with my life. I don't know what to say or what to write, and I don't know what to do. I just feel that the reason behind my happiness is lost somewhere or Its just over. I feel my reason to live has been lost. And its a fact.
It been almost 10 months since We broke off everything. No friendship, no love nothing is left😔. I don't even know what to write. Its just that since last 10 months my life has been a 'Question mark ?', am I the one responsible for everything? Whatever I did was right or wrong? Why did she went away so much ? That she never turned back😔. My life has stopped at all these questions.
To make everything clear, lets take everything from the start.
(April 2015)
Everything between us was going perfect. Basically the way I wanted everything. We both were finally together❤️, and you know everything was picture perfect.
But I think god is not so graceful towards me.
She one day said me that she's going out of town and that she'll come within a week. And from that day things started getting bad. She one day said me that "Rishabh can we just remain as friends as my cousins over here have come to know every thing about us as they read my chats, so can we just stop all these and be friends all over again".
I understood her situation completely but is it so simple? To adapt to all these changes so instantly. I was speechless, i didn't knew what to say. I could'nt even force her as I never did. But all I said to her was that " just have faith in yourself, we are'nt doing anything wrong. And whatever problems are there we'll try to sort out together, there's no point spoiling the relationship" and somehow the situation got cooled down but I was so sad or frustrated or upset I don't know all I could think is how can I change the feelings inside my heart so instantly. I mean I've loved her so much and its not always possible to act like the way she wants.
Then the things got a li'l sorted but the thing was always in my mind. Soon I had to leave out of town for my brother's marriage. But I didn't say this to her as her birthday was coming on (10th may) and I had to leave on 8th may. I couldn't miss the wedding and I didn't wanted to leave her alone on her birthday. But I had no choice😔 apart from attending the marriage. I did'nt say it till her birthday as I knew it very well that she'll break down. She'll cry and I could'nt bare that sight. But i had to tell her the truth. She was continuously asking me to meet her as soon as possible on her birthday but I had no guts to face her. Then I finally said her that am not in the town. And what I feared the most happened, She cried😔. I could'nt just handle myself out there😪 so I promissed her to be back as soon as possible. So I somehow got myself a ticket to Mumbai on 12th may and reached by 13th may. Before going out of town I had kept her birthday gifts ready. So as soon as I reached Mumbai I called her up and asked her to come at my place by 3 as no one was there. And moreover My parents were supposed to come after 3 days.
I decorated my house totally before she came, with rose petals all over the floor, her pictures everywhere, my world famous Cold coffee , the cake in the centre, with chocolates all around and finally the gift. And she got so happy when she saw all those things. And all I could see was the smile on her face. 'Her smile, that is my reason to live. Whenever She's happy I feel I am happy.'
She loved the gift too, it was actually a big photo frame which is still there on her wall❤️. So we finally had some good time at my place. We were happy together. I apologised for lying to her and all, but everything got sorted in the end. When she was leaving, I just didn't wanted to let her go. I felt like giving her tight hug and a kiss but I am only the biggest"Fattu" . But somehow We end up giving each other a tight hug with a forehead kids, I could still feel that hug. I feel it whenever I think about her which means always😅.
That was actually my last meet, last hug, last moment together, and the last "I love you". The things had to just get worse.
( Its been almost 10 months basically 311 days😔 since we had a chat. She doesn't want to talk to me, she doesn't wanna meet me. She doesn't hate me but she doesn't like talking about me any more . I don't know what have I done, what's my mistake All I can say Is that I still love you, i miss you like hell. I miss you each and every second of my life. And if its not you then its no one else in my life. )
I feel like screaming out to the world that that "god damned, stupid, idiot, I LOVE YOU.
There's this song in Bollywood which always plays in my mind actually there are many songs but this one's the best and it goes "TERE BIN JEENA HAI AISE, DIL DHADKA NA HO JAISE, YEH ISHQ HAI YEAH , DUNIYA KO HUM SAMJAHYE KAISE. WAQT KI IN RAHO MEI HUM KUCH AISA KAR JAYE, EK DUJE SE BEECHDE TOH SAANSE LIYE BIN MAR JAYEEN, O KHUDA BATADE KYA LAKIRON MEI LIKHA HAI, HUM NE TOH, HUM NE TOH BAS ISHQ HAI KIYA❤️.
I love you..
#Krush forever
