Everything Will Be Fine

Chapter Ten

(Trigger warning, you have been warned)

I yawn, Saturday morning. I stood up and looked at the clock. 12:09, no wonder I wasn't grumpy. I looked out my window into the streets of London. I thought of Dan. He said he had to do a video with Phil and he'd pick me up after.
I sighed. That might take awhile since Dan likes to stall and procrastinate. I might as well find something to do while I wait. I remember him saying he was going to take me out. It would be great to know where so I would know how to dress.
I shrugged it off and I stripped my clothes off. I grabbed my towel and walked to the bathroom. I walked in and dropped my towel on my toilet seat. I looked in the mirror and saw the scars on my body.
I knew I shouldn't have promised not to hurt myself. It made everything seem worse. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I tried to hold them back but my throat ached and I let out some sort of croak as they fell. I hid my pain for so long. From an objective stance it would've seemed I was better, happier. It's not true. Mother still possesses my thoughts. The only time I forget her is when I'm with Dan.
I looked at myself in the mirror. The rivers of tears streaming down my face. The deep inhale of my chest from when a sob would escape my throat. I felt empty and my head hurt.
I sat on my bathroom floor staring at nothing in particular, and crying. I forgot my promise, I reached under the sink grabbing my razor.
I stepped in the shower and made the water burning hot. I brought the razor in hand. I put it to my wrist and pushed down before dragging it across. But then did I realize it was a little too deep and it was bleeding quite more than usual. I started to panic and turned off the shower. I found myself crashing my way to my room just to wrap something around it.
In hysterics and a full on panic I did the only thing I could think of; I picked up my phone and rung Dan's phone number. He didn't answer. I called again, and again and again. More and more blood dripped. I called Phil, and he picked up the first time. At this point I was feeling light headed.
I shook as Phil's concerned voice echoed through, "Hello? (Y/n) what's wrong?" I didn't know where to start. My brain was scattered with fear.
"Phil, where is Dan? I need him to come over now, please, its an emergency!" I frantically cried into the phone. This was my last resort before calling 999. My aunt was at work to fill in for a coworker and wouldn't be home for awhile. And as a nurse she wouldn't have her phone on her either.
"O-Okay, what's happening?" Phil's voice started to fade out. But then I realized that the sounds of the streets were also. I tried to respond, my mind becoming sluggish and my words were slowed down. I felt myself slip away before I could even get all my words out. Phil's panicked voice ringing in my mind as I finally went totally under.

I don't want to die.

(Sorry I haven't updated in awhile I've actually had like half of this written for awhile. But I'll try to write more later today.)