You will need to pay close attention as it is easy to get this wrong, and the results of that can be catastrophic.
Now, I do not profess to be an accomplished cook, it took me until the age of thirty seven to master the art of a good bald egg. I think part of the problem was that I had never come across an hairy egg, but did not wish to air this failing in polite company. However, now I can manage a passably good three minute egg in around five minutes. my main failing appears to be that I forget the water. I have ruined a number of good pans this way, and it would probably be best not to raise the issue of microwaves.
I digress. lamb stew is a seasonal dish, best attempted in the spring when ingredients are fresh.
Before getting into a list of ingredients, i.e vegetables and meat. we must ensure that we are properly attired. In my long experience with this dish i have tried several different modes of attire; from the country farmer look, to the Bo Peep ensemble. The latter got me arrested and the magistrate refused to accept my explanation, she sentenced me to one hundred hours of community service sweeping roads, in an attempt to make a man of me. I have settled on dressing all in white, preferably wool. Sheep are not the cleverest of animals and to them, white probably indicates relative.
You need to be up early, around five am, sheep have to sleep like everyone else, and are usually still drowsy at this time making the job of securing the tenderest lamb a little easier. Pick a field that is not too big and one where the border fences are high. You don't want the little devils re enacting the great escape.
Once you have selected the correct field, (Making sure it is well away from the farmhouse) Slip quietly over the gate and select the object of your desire. Stand still for a few minutes until they get bored with wondering who your mother is. if an old ugly ewe approaches and starts rubbing against your leg, try not to get excited and distracted, focus on the job in hand, or hopefully in hand. Move slowly toward your chosen lamb, you can try the odd baa, if it gives you confidence, but it is not strictly necessary. Once you are within striking distance, kneel down and appear to be chewing grass. Don't actually chew any, it can become addictive.
Now comes the difficult part, once you are close enough you need to take a firm grip of the chosen lamb. be prepared for the little bugger to wriggle like hell. That, however, is not the most dangerous part; they can make significant noise, attracting their mothers, and other sheep who wish they were mothers. be prepared to run!! Make for the gate! Don't try the hedges, you run the risk of entanglement. If they are gaining on you, chuck the lamb as far from you as possible, it is every man for himself!
So, if you have managed to wrest the lamb from his flock, let me know and we can discuss vegetables. if not, I'll see you down the pub for a lamb hotpot prepared by a more successful rustler than you.
Bon Appetite
Owain Glyn
I was tagged to take this challenge by seasofme
