Forever & Alone

Forever & Alone chp.4

I got back in my car and started the engine. I pulled out of the school and drove home. I shouldn't have even showed up today. I mean I did only stay for three periods.

I sighed and shook my head. I'm just tired. I guess life just... I don't know... tires me out. I may not do anything, but just living makes me feel exhausted.

Before I knew it I had gotten home, and I couldn't be more glad. I turned the engine off and got out of the car. I slowly walked to the front door and unlocked it.

I walked in and walked to the living room. I threw the keys on the coffee table and plopped myself down on the couch.

The house was quiet and empty. No surprise there since I live alone. I have been for the past thirteen years of my life.

I sighed again and looked to my right.

To my right was a boarded up window. That window was broken about thirteen years ago. The story behind that broken window was a horrible night and I'm not about to think about it at this moment.

I turned away from the window and rested my head on the back of the couch as I closed my eyes.

I should feel lonely, shouldn't I?

I don't feel lonely though. I feel content.

I opened my eyes and looked around me again.

Being alone doesn't cause any pain. How can you feel pain if there's nothing and no one to hurt you?

I got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen. The kitchen was slightly dirty, but pretty much empty. I opened the fridge to search for something to eat. There wasn't much in there. So, I just grabbed some leftover pizza and a coke.

I was about to put the pizza in the microwave, but I decided against it. The longer I stand in this kitchen, the more I feel like I can feel the happiness that once radiated from this kitchen and the smell of the sweets that brought a smile on my face so big that I resembled the joker.

That happiness and that smile will never be in me again. It's been years since I've smiled. I smirk or give a mocking smile, but I never give a real smile. I probably will never give a smile that reaches my eyes again. It just won't happen.

With my cold pizza and coke in hand, I walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs to my room. I lied back on my bed and set the coke down on my nightstand, then placed the pizza on top of the coke. I then plugged my phone in my small speakers and played 'Roger Rabbit' by Sleeping with Sirens. I grabbed my pizza again and began eating as I listened to music to help soothe me.

******

My phone blaring is what woke me up the next day. I groaned and rolled over to pick it up.

Yesterday I had listened to music from the time I got home around 1:30pm to 5:45am when sleep finally dragged me down. I had heard my alarm go off at 6:30am, but I was too fucking tired to get up.

I pick up my phone and without looking at the caller id, I roll back over to my back and answer it.

"Hello?" I answered in a groggy voice.

"Blair! Where are you? I've been calling you for hours!" Reese's voice rang through the phone causing me to groan again.

"I don't care." I grumbled.

The line is silent for a while. I was about to hang up when his voice rang through again.

"Ryder is bored. He said right after school we are going to do something. If you want to join us you have to come to school now. Lunch just started so, you could make it here about half-way til lunch is over." He said.