Confusing and Wrong [ Harry Styles ]

Chapter 1

I close my eyes tight and inhale quickly as the sharp metal of my razor blade comes in contact with my wrist. I open my eyes and watch as the blood trickles out making me wince, but the pain still isn't as severe as how I feel.

"Ugly" I say aloud making another slit.

"Worthless" Another.

"Fat!"I cry out.

"PATHETIC!" I scream. I drop the bloodied razor from my shaking hand on the floor and listen to it clink as it hits the cold tile. I stay standing just watching the blood flow away from the metal. Just like how I wish I could do with my life.

After my dad left it didn't really affect me to much since I was to little to comprehend what was going on. I just remember seeing the other kids being dropped off at school by their fathers and wondering where mine was. But as I got older, I realized that I should have a loving father like all the other kids and I confronted my mother about it. She told me that he left for a while. Little did I know he left for good and that was because of a 20 year old blonde bimbo. If I ever saw him again I don't know what I would do. I'm still infuriated by how he could start a family and just leave like that. He mustn't have a decent bone in his body.

Then when I started middle school things got even worse for me. All my friends turned on me except for Christie because of one ignorant boy. He didn't like the fact that I dressed in all black, wore dark make-up and listened to hard music. He just didn't understand that that was how I covered my sorrow. I painted on a mask and put on a tough facade to hide the real me. The girl who's world is crumbling down piece by piece with every passing day.

He would constantly throw insults at me, make me the core of a joke, start rumours and find a way to get me in trouble with the teachers even if it meant him getting in trouble too.

Then high school started and so did the cutting. I couldn't take it anymore and wanted to feel less pain so it resulted in a blade and my wrist. Everyday was the same. Get insults thrown at, be pushed around by Harry's little posy as he sat back and laughed, get food dumped on me, it's just an endless list of cruel 'jokes'.

I walk over to my sink and turn the water on trying to wash the blood from my wrist. It stings as it makes contact but I can't risk my mother seeing any traces of blood on me. I finish up and press a dark towel to my arm and add pressure hoping that it will decrease the amount of blood and hopefully stop soon.

I clean up the floor as well and when I'm done I check to see if my wrist has stopped bleeding and thankfully it has. I rinse it out under the tap and watch as the water mixes with my blood creating a light red. I turn the tap off and ring out the towel before hanging it up on the towel rack.

I walk out of the bathroom and pull my sleeves back down. I can't let my mom find out about my cutting. If she ever found out I would be put in a mental hospital, or everyone would find out at school and make things even worse for me. Luckily though its winter so I don't have to worry about anyone questioning why I wear long sleeves all the time.

I close the door to my bedroom and head to my stereo plugging in my phone and blasting Pierce The Veil.

I grab my laptop and lay on my bed crossing my feet in the air behind me. I log into my twitter, Acelyn_Vaune , and scroll through my timeline which is filled with the latest gossip on Pierce The Veil, pictures and people just tweeting how they feel.

@Acelyn_Vaune: 'Loud music to drown your sorrows 👌'

I favourite tweets I find funny and a retweet ones that describe how I feel, I decide to look at the clock and see when my moms going to be here.