Letting Go to Hold On

Good News... Bad News?

Do you know that moment when you just want everything to stop and replay so you can redo everything you did wrong, even if you feel somewhere in your heart that it wasn't your fault? Have you ever regretted- or felt like you regret- being truly happy for someone you truly care about? Have you ever been so happy you just forget for a second that's life's a btch and can strike at you any moment, flipping your whole world an entire 180° in just the blink of an eye, a bat of an eyelash?

I felt numb, my whole body feeling frozen to the core - not just because of the airconditioning I bravely faced though I was soaking - because of what seemed like walls blocking away any warmth. It's as though my whole life fell into a slippery pit, and I was scarred from head to toe. Who would've even imagined that only a half hour ago, I was laughing with my two cousins and five strangers I just met? Now, here I am, soaking wet- yet bone dry inside- my whole life falling apart as I awaited the news. I got up from unbelievably uncomfortable metal bench attached to the wall next to the door leading to the operating room. I felt my knees wobble a bit, like an infant trying take its first steps, but I head down the hall anyways. I want to talk to someone close to me, but it's a lesser possibility now that Sally's gone home.

You're probably wondering about happened, right? Well let me tell you again, life's a btch when it comes to me. It's never been fun and games for me, unlike most people my age. A clumsy yet terribly cruel twist of fate is what happened. This is why I don't believe in fairy tales or miracles, they're all just dreams to me. Can you imagine how it all started with Eddie chasing after one of the dozen ghost crabs that planted their burrows at the shore, then he was distracted by the sound of us cheering and tripped? Yeah, he's clumsy, he's so clumsy he crashed into a boulder and broke his skull. Sally camerunning for help, Eddielimp in her twig like arms that were crimson red sith blood. I remember jumping off the second floor window of Nando's, hitting the rough sand. I didn't mind and I still don't then the next I remember I was screaming at a doctor's face.

Just moments ago, I was laying on a white leather bed with a needle poking my arm for a blood transfusion, but here I am now, wandering the silent halls as I tortured myself with memories of what happened. But most of all, I'm starting to feel something - hatred for mu self. I blame myself for all of this. Why did I let this happen anyways? Me, Eddie and Sally could've gone on with our movie night, renting the Exorcist from a rental shop next door.

As I felt the stinging tears hit the back of my eyes, I put up the struggle to refrain the from falling. I already promised myself 6 years ago that I will never ever show weakness to anyone ever again, and that anyone includes myself. As I start rubbing my arms, I heard foot steps approach me from behind making me look down, I didnt want to face anyone that will not bring me news about Eddie, "You shouldn't blame yourself you know," a voice in a raspy monotone said from behind, then he continued, "This isnt your fault, you already did what you can..." He trailed off, almost as if he expected me to believe his words.

I turned to him, wrapping my arms around myself protectively, "Do you believe in miracles Liam?" I asked him, surprised that I was able to keep a stady tone despite myself. "Do you?" I demanded at him when he showed no signs of wanting to answer.

"Partly yes, because that fact that I got to live despite everything that I went through and the fact that I got to meet these five amazing lads and fulfill my dream of bringing joy to others. But there's also a part of me that doesn't. I never know,this might all be a coincidxence or somthing that was brought to me after so many years of... Well, let's just say that it's a 50/50 chance." He answered, looking mainly at the floor than me. His answer somehow shocked me. Instead of amswering me with a simple yes or no, he answered me with something that made my heart warm up. Maybe, just maybe, he understands how hard life actually is, unlike some other people thaf just go along all carefree without a single a idea what working or life means.

"Hmph, I guess you do understand. But, if you truly did, you'd know why I feel like this. I've been taking care of Eddie for the past 6 years and this is the first time in my life that I feel so useless. Do you get me or is it too much for that pretty head of yours to handle?" I answered him anxiuosly,feeling the desperation in my heart deepen.

I know that this might be hurting him, but I feel like my heart will explode if I don't redirect my anver at something or someone. I was so mad at myself that I could just punch myself. I feel so useless and alone, and my heart and body is so exhausted that there isnt anything much I can do but feel something and react on impulse.

"I know that it's hard, you gotta stick together. Be strong for Eddie and pray for him instead of wandering here." He said to, an extended urgency imminent in his husky voice. Although I know he is absolutely right, it feel so hard to stick together at this time. I felt so damned weak and fragile that I could break myself. It's been so hard to glue myself back together after my parents died almost six years ago, and after Zach left me for Christina a few years back. "The operation is already finished you know. Perrie's at Eddie's room right now. She sent me out here to get you. I know I should've told you earlier, but you just looke like a wreck and dont want Eddie to wake up with you looking like that. He needs a sister." Liam snapped me out of my thoughts. I suddenly got the strength for marathin, shovin Liam aside as I ran to Eddie's room- despite my heels-and just run for the goal.

I walked into the room to find Perrie with her head resting on the back of the seat. Most people must think I'm the incredible hulk or something when I carry peoplr around so carelessly, but I don't mind. The room was a stale shade of blue, the color yellowing with age. The room had two beds, a TV, a bathroom and airconditioning cold enough to freeze a horse. I picked Perrie up, her dress crawling around my arm and I set her down on the bed next to Eddie.

Eddie... He looked so calm, like there's nothing to worry about in the world. I walked up next to him, sitting down beside him and stroking his cheek. His breathing was ragged, but I knew that he's gonna be fine. I felt a hot tear escape my eyes, rolling down my cheekd in a slow pace that a snail could've won a race over it. I placed a tender kiss on Eddie's bandaged forehead before I wipe that tear away.

"I still don't know how you do it." Liam said from the doorway.

"Do what?"

"Carry peoplelike they weigh nothing at all." He said with a smirk playing at his lips. I saw the doctor behind him, waving for me so that we can talk outside.

"Ms. Edwards, I'm glad that you are finally here." The doctor started with a kind expression planted on his face. Somehow, I felt my gut tell me something wasnt quite right, but I quickly set that aside.

"Yes, thank you for the hardwork and all but is something wrong?" I asked him, but my eyes weren't on him anymore, but rather at the person standing only a few feet away from him. He had those familiar striking blue eyes fixed on, making me feel weak, his brown hair fell perfectly in place at his forehead. I ripped my eyes away, trying to escape a spell that took me ages to extinguish from my heart. My beated rapidly, the thought of his eyes still focused on me made me rattle.

"We have some good news and bad news. The good news is that the operation is a success, but the ba- ma'am?" I heard the doctor, though his words seemed like they were spoken from afar. I looked at his face, then at Liam who was leaning back at the doorway, then to the mirage like figure of him getting closer. I felt my knees buckle under me, and then, the world became pitch black for a moment, but as my eyes fluttered close, I saw Liam and him racing after my falling self. I still cant believe that after all these years, he's come back. Him.... Zach....

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Hi people! Hahaha! Once again, I'd like to apologize, I feel like I could've written so much more but I just lack time now. Sorry for the misspelled words, btw. Oh, and please dont forget to check out my other story, which I will be updating soon! Well, you the routine guys, please vote, comment, share and follow! I'll be waiting for 15 reads for this chapter til I update again! Hahaha! Love you guys! Stay perf! ;*

~>Nia