Under Glass

Chapter 44- Self-Realization

People watching in DC was one of her favorite things to do. There were always tourists mixed in with people that ran the country, students running along diplomats, and more attractive young men than she'd ever imaged. Thoughts of what James would be doing now unsettled her mind, her brow furrowed. It's interesting what death does to one's memory. It leaves most memories with a rose tinted hue that makes everything a little more palatable.

Caitlin sipped her evening coffee as she walked the few blocks from the metro station to Dr. Wayne's office. Grimacing, she stopped for a bit to massage the pad of her right foot. She'd forgotten her tennis shoes this morning and her feet were extremely upset with her at the moment. The hair on the back of her neck stood up and she glanced around feeling like she was being watched, but no one was looking at her. Shrugging, she smoothed her skirt down and continued on her way.

Once she made it up the stairs into the office, she threw her bags on the couch and flopped down next to them as she waited for Dr. Wayne. The artwork in the lobby fascinated her. She could sit and look at the pieces for how ever long it took. There were a few impressionist prints and also abstract expressionism paintings that brought forth so many emotions, leading Caitlin to wonder why they were in the psychologist's office.

"Ms. O'Leary."

She looked up to find Dr. Wayne standing in the doorway.

"You ready?"

"Sure," she answered, picking up her bags and following her through the door. Her head snapped around when she heard another door slam shut.

"Last patient," Dr. Wayne answered her question.

"You mean you have other people that want you to stay well into the night to talk them off the ledge?"

"Most of my clients these days want the latest appointments they can get. I'm used to that now. We live in a world where people work twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. They request kids' games to be moved for their schedule, they put any personal life on the back burner to get ahead, but you know all that working on the Hill."

"That I do."

They walked into an office space off to the left. A lamp was on and the room was done in soothing blues. She'd never been in this office. Dr. Wayne motioned toward the chair next to hers.

"So, Caitlin, how has your week been?"

"Well, I'll tell you, it's been interesting." Caitlin crossed and then re-crossed her legs, pondering how to explain what she wanted to discuss. "Why do people do things that they know are bad for them?"

A silence filled the room. She shifted again, uncomfortable. Caitlin could do things, but having to tell someone else about them held her more accountable.

"What are you doing that you don't think is in your best interest?"

"I don't know how to explain it. I..."

Dr. Wayne waited, ever patient, while she struggled with her words.

"I guess I'm just disappointed in myself and I don't know how to undo something I've done."

"And what have you done?"

"Chris is back in my life," she admitted. "We're just friends," she added quickly. "He moved here and he doesn't have any friends. I've been showing him around, and we have decided just to be friends." She spit the half-truths out.

"Well, it sounds like you're sure that you only want to be friends."

"I am."

"What sort of friends? Do you talk about James?"