Confusion

Entry 5- What also happened in January

I didn't just fall behind on work in January other stuff happened as well, like...

-I told my personal advisor what had happened, that night, briefly.

-I had a meeting with my personal advisor to have a chat about things.

-My personal advisor rang the charity for me because I couldn't.

-I spoke to the charity.

-I got an appointment.

-I went to the appointment.

-The appointment was with a Nurse.

-I had a health check.

-I filled out a form.

-I told her what happened, not exactly voluntarily because when I start to try and explain it a little, in brief, it all just blurts out and I can't stop.

-She put me on a list for counselling. She put me as urgent. I didn't think I was urgent. I didn't even think I was that bad. She also told me to go to the Doctor's because she thought I might need something more immediate, something to fill the gap before the counselling started. She suggested that I see if I could get CBT.

- I found out some of things I was doing were classed as self-harm; digging my nails into my palms and scratching myself with a nail clipper.

- I said I wouldn't self-harm before I got counselling.

- I went on my first night out after finding out what the incident classed as. I'd become scared to touch alcohol. I was scared I would see him there. I was scared he would be there because it was the student union bar. I was paranoid, very paranoid but I never saw him plus I had my friends with me and they knew. I eased up eventually. It was good, I felt like I could get part of my social life back, part of me back.

- I became untidy. My bedroom became a mess and I barely cleaned it. This made me feel disgusting for living in a dirty room.

- I lost my appetite. I didn't want to eat. I lost weight but I did start to eat properly by the end of the month.

-I would get anxious in lectures because he would be there to.

-I felt like crying, a lot. I'd feel like crying at random times and it would be completely unexplained. I could just be walking to Uni and feel like crying. I had no idea why. I didn't like to cry but I felt like it.

-I went downhill.