Chapter 5

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Natalie's POV

"I shouldn't have said that," Joshua said as he watched Lilly walk up to the police officer and question her, "That was so..."

"Give yourself a break," I said, hugging myself, "I don't know why Carson even wanted to come..."

Joshua focused on me. "My girlfriend is dead," he said, almost angrily, "The last thing I care about is why the b..stard wanted to ruin our weekend. It's all his fault."

"Hey! Kids!" an officer called, waving us over before I could say anything. I couldn't disagree with Joshua. While I didn't see how Carson could've changed anything, it was easier to blame him.

The drive back to Brookline, which was about an hour and a half away, was awkward and silent. Joshua sat in the backseat, huddled in the corner, and I couldn't figure out how to comfort him. Lilly sat in front of me. Her face was red and tear-stained, but I couldn't tell if she was angry with me or not. And Carson sat next to her, his face free of emotion. I hated him so much.

"Why don't you do something?" I blurted out suddenly, about half an hour away from Brookline. I'd already suffered an hour of silence and I couldn't take it anymore.

Carson turned back to look at me, seeming to know I was talking to him. His eyes searched me slowly. "What do you want me to do?"

"Call your mom? I don't know," I replied shrilly, finding myself on the verge of tears, "Do something! Don't just sit there! It's all - it's all your fault!" And then I broke down into tears.

The police officer driving us back glanced at me through the mirror, but he didn't say anything.

"They've already called my parents," Carson said calmly, "I can't do anything at this point, Nat."

No. He wasn't allowed to call me Nat. I didn't even know him. I freaked out, panic welling up in my throat, and began screaming and crying and clawing at the air. I couldn't see anything, and my breathing was uneven. I kept on sobbing until I felt someone's arms around me.

It was Lilly. "I'm so sorry," she said, her voice sounding thick. She must've forced herself into the back with Joshua and I. I couldn't believe he wasn't crying. His girlfriend and best friend were dead. And my best friend was dead. Sara. She was dead.

"It's all your fault!" I screamed at nothing. If Michael were alive, I would've been mad at him, because he was driving. But I couldn't be; he was dead too. And then the full force of what had happened hit me, and I began hyperventilating.

The car screeched to a stop and the officer looked back at her, pityingly. "You okay, sweetheart?" she asked. She sounded about 40. I wondered if she'd ever lost someone like this.

"I - I want to go home!" I sobbed, pushing my face against the seat, "I want to go home!"

She began driving again, but slower. "Okay, sweets," she said, "We'll be home soon."

Note: ??

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