The Girl who ran

The Girl Who Ran: The truth

  "Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world...would do this, it would change the earth."
― William Faulkner

  Beyoncé  POV

I was stood next to my bedroom window looking out onto another street, grey like everything else but filled with gardens. Each garde was different, some had broken swing and play sets, others were bare and some were filled with vegetables and fruits. No one really left their homes much around here, no one safe any way. That was because their was a high chance of being shot, snow was beginning to fall and so the ground was a little slippery while young men and women jogged around with guns in their holsters and knives under their shirts. I continued to watch the delicate snow fall slowly onto the houses and gardens as I thought about my life. 

I had told myself to keep running, that way I wouldn't have to face the past, that way it was unlikely that the old me would come back and hurt. I stopped running and now I'm scared, I'm becoming the old me again. I'm starting to do things I used to, like sing. I'm starting to let myself become so much more vulnerable and I'm acting... normal. It scares me, the last time I was like this everything went down hill. My family died taking a piece of me with them. A piece that held all of me together, a piece that made me strong and inspired and motivated but once they were all gone I didn't have that any more.  Once my dad was no longer my dad all of my strength went in to protecting myself and running away and I've never really been strong enough to face the fact that My father raped me, he hurt me, he let his sees flow in to me time upon time, I am broken. I knew these things but I didn't comprehend them until the broken pieces of me began to be fixed and all of a sudden I could feel it all crashing down. Ms Gloria motivated me, she inspired me and she made me normal. She was fixing me. But by fixing me she allowed my mind to open to hard hitting fact that the life I once had is officially over. I can never go back. There is nothing to go back to. That scares me so much because no one really knows what my life was like, I have no one to share it with because my father doesn't remember, no one to tell my happy stories to. Shawn only knows what the police know and that's not the half of it. Ms Gloria doesn't know much at all. 

I wiped a tear that had fallen and continued to look out of the window. 

"BB, You wanna talk?" Ms Gloria asked as she walked into my room with two mugs of hot coco and a smile on her face. 

"I don't know" I trailed of, I didn't know if I was really ready to tell her it all. To let everything out and allow myself to actually be fixed, I didn't know if it was time. If she would be okay hearing it all. 

"You gotta talk to me, baby" She sat down on my bed and I watched her for a moment before walking over to her and sitting next to her. She laid down and allowed me to rest my head on her chest as she wrapped her arms around me. "Go on, from the beginning" She whispered comfortingly. 

" My mom had these beautiful green eyes, soft silky skin, red lipstick, curly hair, she was like a super star. Both of my parents were. They were successful and happy and their marriage was beautiful, our family was beautiful. When I was born they loved me more than anything in the world and growing up both of my parents made time for my sister and I, their schedules were crazy  but they earned good money. They took us to the beach and my dad used to take me on bike rides and I went to dance class and I was in a singing group. We had our problems of course but nothing bad ever measured up to all of the positives" I got more comfortable on Ms Gloria and continued talking. "One day my parents had decided to do this silly bonding weekend, my mom and Solo were going to spend a day together while my dad and I spend a day together then the next day they'd swap children. They valued time with us individually to make sure we both knew we were loved." I stopped before continuing as the day began to replay in my mind.