About me

26 3 19

by newmoon7777

by newmoon7777

I don't care what you think of me .But we're actually talking about ME for once now hush up and read.

Okay so I'm going to write about my suicidal problems.
HATERS ARE MY FANS AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU DESPISE SUICIDE OR WHATEVER THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
I'm sorry ,I used to be in therapy and they used to make it seem like suicide was a crime.

Ok let me start.

It all started when I was like five. I always was so happy ,and I saw a horror movie back then ...I think it was Chucky.

Oh by the way the bride is really cool....Shut up .And their kid is ugly ,ok that was mean.

Anyways ,my cousins were being the usual jerks ,so I sat in a corner by myself, bawling my eyes out, and then this next month ,this boy had pushed me down a flight of concrete stairs,and half my face had scraped away ...The marks are gone now .But still ,how could a five year old be so psychopathic and want to murder everyone around her ? I wish I knew.

Did I mention my birth father shot me when I was only two in the hip ,I still have the scar .And for a long a period of time I cried myself to sleep ,thinking he hated me .I haven't seen him since I was 5 I mean ,I get that I have a stepfather but it stinks knowing that I was unwanted by my own blood.

Further on, I just wanted to be happy. But everyday,I was in the hospital ,close to death ,it's fingers grazing mine.

But I haven't died .And that surprises me ,considering how much near death situations I've been in.

And one day ,I drank bleach ,I wanted to be free ,I wanted to be away from all the criticism, I just wanted happiness and peace and freedom.

And I thought,what if I act happy?

And I did ,but every now and then ,I wonder what this is doing for me .It's so funny what you can hide with one smile .But I think I don't have to fake a smile .

Not anymore.

I just need to say more ,once I went insane,I wouldn't talk for a month ,and when I did ,it was just screams of pure pain and agony,and ND when I wasn't screaming ,I was crying.

I was remembering everything thy did to me .
Every feeling of pain.
Every tear drop.
And so ,I decided, it's best to act ,because who likes someone serious and moody .But I don't care if you don't like me or not.
I just don't want to see those in my life that I love worry about my pain.I don't want to see the pitying stares. Be sincere.

And I was bullied too. Called so much names you couldn't even fathom how much pain I felt .

Insane
Emotionally Unstable
Depressed
And no one has any idea why it bothers me when you don't mean what you say and say what you mean .When you don't tell me the harsh truth rather than a soft lie.

I'm human too.

I just needed to be at peace for one day to find myself .I needed that one person to bother so I could be distracted from my problems.

I used to save up any pill I'd find because this year on May 5th ,I was planning on killing myself. But there are reasons to live .People to be near ,and while I still feel some type of way on the inside ,it must go away ,right?

It must.

So know you know why I don't cry ,I've used all my tears .Why I can easily can change my emotions, I've been an actress for too long.

Why I always have this shy guard ,this wall where I hide everything from everyone.

It's why I can't get scared by anything, I've watched too much horror movies. Its why I can't sing , you must really done something awesome ,or made me comfortable to make me sing around you .

I have basically seen all there is to see.

But I just need to be a little happier. Not everything is as it seems.

It's not that hard to dig a little harder into the mystery .

There's a lot more to my story . You'll just have to wait and see if you'd like to find out.

It took long for me to write this .

Did I mention I used to cut myself ...Stupid I know don't chastise me.

Now you guys probably see me in a different light

Oh well!!! :)
-Moony