2 a.m.

Chapter 4

I only hesitate slightly before the door, and then push it open and flip the light switch. Immediately I'm surrounded by old boy band posters, pictures from freshman through junior year, and pink and purple anything. I scan my eyes over the room, taking in what my life used to be. The big bed in the corner of the room, covered by a huge pink comforter and dozens of fluffy purple plush pillows and stuffed animals. The hardwood is a little dusty, except for where the shag purple carpet covers it. Spots of nail polish and makeup dot it from where the girls and I used to talk and give each other manicures and facials. Every wall is almost completely covered with pictures of smiling faces. I walk over to the wall behind the antique white vanity table and look at the pictures for the millionth time. I see myself smiling back at me, surrounded by my cheerleading squad at a competition. Another one shows Jack and me smiling into the camera and he's holding me close while planting a kiss on my cheek. I smile at that one, lightly touching his face with my fingertip. I move around the room again, going around all the walls and looking at all the memories.

When my life started over, I just moved to the room upstairs. It had originally been a guest room, and I had no interest in it. I liked being downstairs, away from moms room so when I had friends over we could move around without waking her up. The first floor was the kitchen, a dining room, this room, the living room and a bathroom. Upstairs was my current room, moms, the extra, another bathroom and the den.

I walk to the bed and sit on the edge of it and look around at my dirty little secret. No one knows about this room but mom, and I'm sure her brain is so fried at this point she doesn't even remember it. The girls from my old group know about it but they would never guess I just picked up a completely new room in the house and bought new furniture, new clothes, and as a result a new me. The extravagance of the move was enough to make my head spin but I told mom one night that I needed to buy a new room. In her state she thought nothing of it, handed me a credit card and said to have fun and bring her something back. Now I have my own card that's linked to her account and she pays the bill no matter what. I mean she's loaded, why wouldn't she? If I went out and bought a new car she would think nothing of it.

"What am I doing here..." I get up and stand in the middle of the room. I'm not sure what's happening anymore, which is different because there's not much that I can't handle anymore. My family is always here for me, but they would cringe at who I used to be. They wouldn't turn their backs on me like everyone else did but they would definitely laugh.

I laugh a little just standing here, thinking of this room and everything that happened in here. I lost my virginity on that bed, and thinking about it again my face floods with blood. It was a true experience and I will never forget it. Jack wasn't sure how to go about the whole situation, and that surprised me. It started out innocent enough... if innocent was me having plotted it already.

It had been sophomore year and Jack and I had been dating a year. We were in my room, and mom was at work late. She had sent me a text earlier that night saying she'd be home late and I could have a friend or two over to spend the night. But most of the girls were out at parties celebrating the last win at the football game earlier that night, and Jack had wanted me to go. I had originally planned to go but the thought of staying in all night with my sexy boyfriend in the house alone sounded more appealing. Thank god for the lock on the door, because I wasn't ashamed to admit I had thought about the possibility of losing my virginity that night. Mom wouldn't come to check on me if she was getting home late, she would end up going to bed and sleeping in like she did every Saturday morning. I was usually out of the house before she woke up so it seemed perfect.

Jack had just gotten here and was standing at the door, leaning on the frame while I was at the closet looking for some sexy pajamas. I had just bought a new slip I really liked and wanted to put that on. I pulled it out of the closet and excused myself to bathroom. Of course I ran a brush through my hair, checked for smooth legs, brushed my teeth and applied a little make-up. Jack had gone home after the game and gotten ready for a party, so he was already pretty much irresistible. When I walked back into my room he was laying on my bed waiting for me. I sat on the edge of the vanity and posed.