2 a.m.

Chapter 7

For once I'm awake before Jack is. I hear him snoring lightly and feel his arm wrapped around me. I crack open my eyes and see my room is still a little dark, but there's a little bit of sunlight. Lifting my head carefully I look over Jack's shoulder and see it's just after six. I only slept three hours but feel wide awake, so there's no point staying in bed.

I gently move out from under Jack's arm, ignoring him mutter about a polar bear, and find my discarded sweat pants from the night before. A sloppy bun is all I feel capable of this morning and after snapping the band in place I head downstairs. I notice the den is empty so Bobbie probably left to go home or... went home with Mitch. I don't doubt she cares about him, but I really think she's just wrapped up in it all. No one is going to like this one bit, and even though it was all fine and dandy under my roof the second it gets out all hell is going to break loose. Why not let her be happy while she can be? If she's even happy with him, because she could very well just be focusing on Mitch so she doesn't have to face the fact Shep doesn't think about her like that.

I start some coffee and lean back on the counter, listening to the silent house. I wonder what my mom is doing right now, or what she would say about all this. She could be in New York or Ohio, and I'd never know if she was okay. She's been on my mind a lot more lately... it's like I can't stop thinking about her but I don't really understand why. She's gone, and I haven't seen her in over a month. When I did see her that was when she totally and completely destroyed the flooring in almost every room looking for drugs she stashed. She looked like she had been through hell, probably because this wasn't her first stop on her drug search. I still remember it very clearly, like it was burned into my brain...

I was home alone, sitting on the living room floor listening to music and doing homework. It was a Sunday, one of the few times everyone is usually doing something that keeps them out of the house all day. I don't remember what everyone was out doing but somehow I ended up alone in the house. I had started to avoid the living room completely, and my friends picked up on that almost instantly. That day though... I was feeling really emotional. Peg it to hormones or whatever but I decided to stay in the living room while doing school work. I heard a car door slam out front and assumed it would be one of my friends. The door was locked and when the person at the door couldn't open it I went over and unlocked it for them.

"Mom!" I gasped. I dropped the pencil I was carrying in my hand and I swear I could hear the pieces of lead inside of it rattle.

She was gorgeous still, even after all the drugs and beatings she had taken. My mother was a small woman, wiry even. She never ate much, and when she did it was always salads or fruit. She was one of those people who drank wheatgrass shakes like they would save her life and drove an electric car to save the environment. She had kept her hair short, chin length but a little longer towards the front of her face. It was dark blonde like mine but instead of the strawberry tint I had she had brunette undertones. It always looked like she got highlights in, but that was just how her hair turned out. Looking at her... her hair looked thinner, less glossy, and her skin was dry. She was skinnier than I had ever seen her but her face... it still looked the same. I'm sure make-up played a huge part but looking at her then she could have never touched the stuff. Her almond shaped eyes looked right through me, the blue not as bright as I remember. Her lips were painted in pink gloss and her eyeliner was some sort of shimmery black. The pink blush made her skin look more alive and her cheekbones high.

"Valerie, thanks for getting the door." She walked past me and straight to the kitchen. I stood at the door for a few more seconds in a stunned stupor before I closed it and followed her. She was digging around under the sink looking for something and I tried talking to her but she wouldn't respond till she produced a sledgehammer.