Once When You Were Mine

Chapter Fourteen

                                              "What are these voices outside love's open door,

                                make us throw off our contentment and beg for something more..."

                                                                                    -Don Henley

I was home. And although Austin and I had talked, I was as confused as I had been before the Canada trip – if not more. I had spent a whole week away from Nate – and I hadn't missed him as much as I should have. I felt strangely guilty. I made sure to call him when I got home. He was out so I left a message, and then sat and stared at the phone for a while, feeling oddly empty. Then it rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me – miss me?"

"Austin! I just saw you 30 minutes ago!" I scolded him. Secretly I was delighted.

"I know," he admitted. "But I've spent the last week with you and it feels weird not having you around to talk to."

"You know I'm always here to talk to."

"I know, but it's not the same. And now that we're home, you have Nate for that. Look, it's just going to be a little strange for me – I made the mistake of getting used to having you to myself again." He paused and then hurried on. "I just wanted you to know that I've thought about it, and I won't get in the way of you and Nate anymore. I know I said this already, but I've been such a jerk to both you and him, and I'm sorry for it. Not that it's any excuse for my behavior lately, but it was really hard to see my best friend kind of disappear before my eyes, you know? I mean, I took for granted that you would always be there, and I was totally taken by surprise when you met someone else who you... who you liked better than me. I always assumed that you and I would end up together. I guess I shouldn't have done that."

"Austin..." I rubbed at my eyes, trying to keep the tears from spilling out.

"No, let me get it all out. It's my fault that I didn't tell you how I felt about you before Nate. And I know it's incredibly unfair to dump this all on you now. I know it's too late. And I won't insult you by asking you to choose between my friendship and your relationship with Nate. You shouldn't have to be the one to choose.

"You don't have to apologize, Austin. And I was the one who wanted to know how you felt."

"I know. But I wanted you to know that if I start withdrawing from you a little, now that we're back to school and reality, please don't think I'm taking my friendship away. Just understand that it's going to be really hard for me to get used to you being with Nate again, and I have to find a way to make it hurt less. But I can promise you that I'll be on my best behavior around Nate from now on."

Just then, the call waiting clicked.

"That must be your call-waiting. I'll let you go. It's probably Nate or something." And with that, he hung up, leaving me completely speechless. I hung up the phone and jumped when it rang again. I was so flustered that I had already forgotten about the call-waiting.

"Uh, hello?"

"Hey Meg, how was your trip?" It was Nate.

"Hi. Um, it was fine. How as your spring break in Jackson Hole?"

"Pretty good, lots of good skiing. When should I expect my postcard from Canada?" he teased.

"Oh! Oh. Crap. I'm sorry, Nate. I was so busy I forgot about postcards. If it makes you feel better, I didn't send one to anyone, not even my parents."