Spideypool One Shots (ON HOLD)

Wandering Spiders

Not mine, all credit goes to CrimesOfADeadpool on Deviant Art. (That is a fucking awesome username by the way, I'm in love with it.)

~

"Hey Spidey, bite me."
"I didn't say anything," the man replied, confused. In fact he hadn't done anything, having just arrived home to his apartment to find Wade spread on his bed, his mask rolled up to reveal his mouth, eating popcorn smothered in melted chocolate, while he searched through a laptop. Peter's laptop.
"That's mine!"
Deadpool waved a hand. "That's not important."
"Better not have messed anything up," Spidey muttered.
"You want to know what is important?" Wade looked at him innocently.
"That I'm exhausted and want to go to bed?"
"I said interesting."
"No, you didn't. And I'm exhausted and want to go to bed."
"This is more important. Want to know what it is?"
"No."
Wade ignored him and turned the laptop towards him. "See?"
Peter leaned forward and read the screen. "Brazilian Wandering Spider." He repeated. "Fascinating."
Wade grinned and scrolled down.
Peter sighed loudly and read the page. "P. fera and P. nigriventer are widely considered the most venomous species of spider-"
"Not that bit!" Wade complained. He turned the screen back and highlighted a section. "This bit!" he said as he showed Peter again.
"Aside from causing intense pain, the venom of the spider can also cause priapism in humans...." He faltered.
"Erections resulting from the bite are uncomfortable, can last for many hours and can lead to impotence!" Deadpool finished happily.
"That's not a good thing Wade."
"Sounds good to me."
"I wasn't bitten by a Wandering Spider."
"It would have been quite a different story if you were."

~Flashback Mode~
Peter Parker goes on a field trip and is bitten by a spider. Very soon afterwards, he is carried out of the exhibit in a stretcher, half unconscious, but with a raging boner. He is teased out of school and becomes a hermit, made easier by the fact that he can no longer get erect.
~End Flashback Mode~

"You know you said that all out loud."
"Just sharing the magic of storytelling." Wade grinned at him.
"I'm not biting you."
"That's fine, I've changed my mind."
"You have?" Peter replied with a yawn.
"Yes." Wade jumped off the bed, spilling popcorn over the sheets. "I'll hunt down a Wandering Spider," he said, mostly to himself, "and get it to bite Spiderman. Spidey and I will engage in hours of mind-blowing sex, where mortal needs like food and sleep will be beyond us, as Petey desperately tries to fulfil his aching body's desires. He will beg, plead, moan for release, and I shall be the only one to be able to give it to him." He smiled, satisfied. "It'll be perfect."
Peter sighed and walked over to the closet, pulling out his web-slingers. He turned back. "Smile," he said tiredly.
Deadpool turned around. "Huh?"
It was the only thing he could blurt out before he found himself pinned to the wall, his mouth and limbs covered in a sticky substance that was slightly different to the sticky substance Spidey usually covered him in. He tried to open his mouth to tell Peter that, but... well.
Spiderman, on the other hand, sighed and placed the laptop and the popcorn bowl on the floor. He picked up the sheet and threw it off the bed. He then collapsed on the bed.
"Night Wade," he mumbled to the man.
There was no reply.