hey so this might be triggering (!!!)
(cussing, depression mentioned, etc)
i apologise but thats my life oop
>•<
so my parents divorced when i was 5, so basically as far as i can remember i have had to go back and forth between houses. super duper fun ((((::::
but for some reason, i have always had to spend more time at my dads despite them having 50/50 custody of me and my brother. my dad is extremely religious (and an asshat) and still lives with my grandmother (despite him being a doctor ffs like why), who is also in the church (silly mormons).
anyways, i dont believe in that and i havent seen my mom in months.
now lemme tell ya, my mom is literally one of my best friends. i am out to her about my (not)gender and my sexuality and she is super supportive. i mean shes a sex therapist that focuses on lgbtq+ things. you go, mom.
anyways, it sucks. i have had to endure many "homosexuality is wrong" talks and how "we dont allow that life style in our house". so yeah, not out to them.
i think eighth grade is when it all went down to shit. thats when i started questioning my sexuality and realised the world was a really shitty place. my middle school was homo/transphobic. i live in california, so naturally everyone was all beachy and judgemental. even i was ( gag ).
but at the end of the school year i met my girlfriend (if she stumbles on this, hey babe. ily) and my sexuality was confirmed.
i was hella gay.
we were in a play together and i was all like "jfc shes beautiul oh shit i like her whelp gtggtttrgjsskhsoabz"
apparently she liked me too ( score !! )
earlier that year i was also introduced to the people that saved me. dan and phil. my angels.
i dont know if i would be alive right now if i wasnt introduced to them. i found them through instagram (thanks to that one account that spammed them constantly ily)
i also got depression and developed anorexia during that summer, too. yay. since then its just been this constant weight on my chest (along with my boobs smh) and i hate it
i will constantly just breakdown in the middle of class and get anxiety at the worst times. when i self harm i make sure its not deep enough to scar because i dont want to have to answer any questions or come up with excuses
im the classic, non-original emo, not gonna lie about that. i listen to panic! and mcr and fob, cry over how brendon can hit those high notes and how beautiful everyone is but me. i wear all black and cut and have depression. im overemotional and sensitive and awkward and i hate social interaction. i get panic attacks and i have tried to kill myself a few times.
but of course, there are the happy times. i live for those happy moments, especially the small ones that mean the most to me. like sharing my first kiss with my girlfriend, going to concerts, when my friends force me to eat when i havent in weeks. it lets me know they care even if im hating myself.
those small moments make everythinf worth it. i know i wont have to last with my douchey family for much longer and i will be free from them. i can make it through the hard things if i believe.
stay strong. live for those moments of happiness that make you smile. im here to talk. be safe, have fun. watch phan.
i love you.
xx Tyler
