Is that Okay?

{4}

John's P.o.V.

"I-I..." What is wrong with me?

"Can I just tell you what has happened to me?"

"Go ahead sweetie, I'm all ears." She smiled.

I smiled back and quickly stopped when I started to explain my situation.

"I'm never happy anymore, the usual things that seem to make me happy aren't that interesting anymore. My moods change too quickly for anyone's liking and I feel hopeless all the time. I've stopped eating regularly and have been arguing with myself mentally." I blurted out quickly. I'm kind of embarrassed finally saying this out loud, but the doctor didn't seem weirded out at all. It felt kinda good to get that out.

"I think I might know what you have, but could you answer some questions for me?" The doctor asked. I nodded and prepared myself for the questions.

"Mr. Mercury, would you mind if you step out for a moment?"

"Not at all, none of this is my business." Freddie said as he quickly exits.

"Now, have you been angry recently? More than usual?" The doctor asked.

"I actually yelled at Freddie yesterday, but I swear I didn't mean it, it was like my mouth had a brain  of its own." I said.

"Have you ever thought of harming yourself in any way?" The doctor asked.

"I-I have, but not recently. I tried it, I don't know why."

"Where?"

"I did it on my back. The metal springs in my sofa were poking out, and before I threw it away I decided to lay on it, purposely hurting myself. I only did it twice but that was a long time ago..." I said shamefully. I just wanted to punish myself for being so useless to the band.

"May I look at your back?"

"Sure." I said as I took my, I mean Freddie's, shirt off and turned around.

I heard the doctor hum and she traced the marks on my back. I gasped arched my back at the sudden cold touch of her hand, and groaned from the pressure she was putting on my marks.

"John, you may have Depression. This is very serious and it may lead to fatal results."

I slowly put back on the shirt and took in what the doctor said. Depression. I never thought I had depression.

"Oh." Was all I said. What I really wanted to say was, 'what the hell why do I have depression? Sure I was sad, but depression?'

"It's okay John. If you ever feel like talking to us, about ANYTHING, please call me. We can schedule you into therapy, because your life is just as important as anyone else's." She said.

I nodded and my eyes started to water.

"What if I get hurt? Hurt by my own body?." I said weakly.

"You won't John, not on my watch. You are safe. You just have to take your medicine. Twice a week." The doctor said.

"How did this happen?" I asked.

"Most likely from stress. But medication and therapy can help."

She gave me a bottle of antidepressants and gave me a smile. I wasn't planning on taking the pills at all.

"Follow the instructions on the bottle and call me if you need further instructions. Have a friend hold these pills for you so you won't try anything funny."

I nodded and smile. I'm glad I came in to talk about my problems. I felt better.

"Doctor, I have something else to say..." I said nervously.

"Go ahead, it's a judge free zone here." She said playfully. Thank god she said that, because the was certainly a judgmental issue.

"I think I'm a homosexual. I mean, half of one? I like men and women, but isn't that wrong?" I asked.

The doctor looked surprised and quickly smiled.

"Do you think it's wrong?"

I thought about it for a moment.

"It feels perfectly fine." I replied.

"Then it's perfectly fine. Your sexuality isn't a sickness, it's just you. Many people can't accept it, but there are some who do. I'm proud of you John, for coming in and speaking to me." She said.

I blushed lightly and smiled. We need more people like her in this world.

"Thank you for dealing with me."

"It was my pleasure, I can't believe that I've met two members of Queen! It's absolutely amazing! But my fangirling comes after your wellbeing." The doctor giggled.

"Is it okay for Freddie to know about this? I want someone to make sure you're okay when you are at home." The doctor asked.

"I was actually going to ask if you could tell him for me, I'm a bit nervous."

The doctor nodded and called Freddie back inside. He had a lollipop in his mouth. I giggled at him and he gave me a quick smile.

"Mr. Mercury, John has been diagnosed with depression. He will go to therapy once a week for this month, and we can reevaluate his visits after a month. Make sure he gets enough sleep and eats regularly. He has to take his antidepressants daily and if he seems to be a bit off, please call me." The doctor said.

Freddie stopped sucking on his lollipop. He looked shocked about the news and he looked at me.

"I understand doctor, thank you for taking care of my beloved John." Freddie said. The doctor smiled and Freddie and I left the office. When we made it to our car, Freddie gave me a hug.

"Oh John, why didn't you tell us you weren't feeling well. It's okay now, because we can get through this together." Freddie said.

"Hopefully."

"Don't doubt it." Freddie said.

"I don't want to be treated differently. I'm still the same John. Don't tell Roger and Brian about this, I'll tell them myself." I pleaded.

"I promise I won't tell, and I'm not going to treat you differently. You're still my little, adorable John."

I rolled my eyes and laughed as we got into the car.

"Now time to pick up Brian and Roger for ice cream." Freddie said as he drove off.

We drove back to his place in a comfortable silence. We made it to the house and saw Brian and Roger sitting on the porch, waiting.

Freddie rolled down the window and started to yell.

"Get in the car you little fuckers! Time to get ice cream!"

I started to laugh loudly as tears started to form in my eyes. Roger and Brian quickly opened the car door and settle themselves inside.

"Freddie what the hell." Brian growled.

"Don't get mad at me, John and I wanted ice cream."

I laughed and waved at Roger, who smiled and waved back.

"John, you seem a little happier today, I'm glad." Roger said.

"I'm glad too. I have a lot to tell you afterwards." I said.

Freddie drove off towards the ice cream shop.

:)