Is that Okay?

{9}

What a shitty day already.

I was on the phone with Brian today, telling him that John may not be able to come to the studio, because of the sudden news. Of course with Brian, you just had to explain why, and I did. He understood and promised to convey this information to Roger. Thank God he's doing that for me, Roger tends to ask zillions of questions that I'm not obligated nor wanting to answer. Now I'm just sitting in a chair that had a good view of the couch, so I could see John. Not creepy at all.

I felt really bad for him, I really did. First his diagnosis for depression, and now a death in his family. He's just resting his poor head to escape the harsh reality of life. But I'm actually proud of him. He doesn't show any signs of giving up, he's still marching on. He's even accepted the fact that he likes men, and it's easier said than done. He's certainly a fighter.

Seeing John's current state is the most peaceful state I've ever seen him before. Dried tears stained his face, but he was breathing calmly. Little snores escaped his unique shaped mouth which made him look absolutely cute. He's very attractive.

John started stirring in his sleep, so I quickly pretended to be occupied with doing something else. I saw him arise from the couch in the corner of my eye and I immediately made eye contact with him. I smiled and waved at him. His mouth smiled back, but it bloodshot eyes didn't.

"I'm guessing it wasn't a dream." He said abruptly.

"What do you mean?"

"My papa dying. I thought it was a dream. But you're giving me space, which means he must be dead."

I guess he's right. How very observant of him. I am being cautious with the space between us. I don't want to upset him and make him uncomfortable. But he doesn't seem upset.

"You're right John, I'm so sorry." I walked up to him and opened my arms. He gladly hooked onto my hips, and I wrapped my arms around him. We soon pulled away from each other and sat down on the couch.

"Can we talk?" John asked. I laughed lightly.

"That's a strange way to start but okay."

John smiled and thought for a few seconds.

"My father. He's been sick for a very long time. I knew he wasn't going to live long, and I accepted that at a young age. I was hoping that I had at least a year left with him, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. There were days where he could barely move, so his time was obviously near." He spoke slowly. His voice slightly shook with every word he spoke, but he kept going.

"I've sorta mentally prepared myself for this day so I just need a day to myself. I'll be fine tomorrow."

I didn't want to leave him alone, not in this state. But I didn't want to make him upset either.

"If that's what you really want."

John stared at me hesitantly and walked upstairs into his room. The things he could do behind those closed doors were endless. I'm too scared to even think about. But I trust him.

The phone starting ringing once again. I groaned and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Freddie? Hey!"

My best friend Mary. She and I have been distant since we've agreed on being just friends after breaking up. I do miss those romantic nights though.

"Hello dear, how's it been?"

"I've been okay. David left me."

The infamous David I've heard lots about. The One. Her so called "Love of Her Life."

"Seriously? He's totally missing out. You were too good for him anyways." Mary laughed and sighed.

"We broke up for the stupidest reason."

I'm interested.

"Oh really. Tell."

I heard Mary breathe in and out heavily before announcing herself.

"I, Mary Austin, am now 6 months pregnant."

What. Why didn't she tell me when she first found out.

"That's wonderful dear. But why have you and David split?"

"Because, he thinks the child isn't his."

"Well is it?"

"No."

I wanted to scream at her. She has been cheating on David from the start. They only started dating about seven months ago. Now it makes me question how loyal our relationship was.

"Mary listen closely. Your baby, has no father."

"I get that Freddie."

For fucks sake.

"Do you get that you're already making poor decisions for a child that's not even born yet! Who's going to-"

"Shut it Fred," She interrupted my rambling. She knew I despised that nickname, but I kept quiet. "I'm going to give my baby away for adoption."

"No don't do that! They're going to grow up not knowing their father and now mother, Mary you aren't that heartless."

"It's either raising my child myself in a poor environment, or giving them away, hoping to find a better future. Trust me Freddie, I care about my baby, I'd do anything to give them the path they deserve. Even if that's giving them away and never seeing them again."

As bad as it sounds, it was true. Mary was not the mother type. She was the broke, partying type. But I still pity the child. Their life hasn't even begun and it was already shit.

"W-what if I become the father." I stuttered. I did not want kids, hated them, but I also didn't want Mary going through this alone. I already regret saying that.

"You mean like, being a couple again?"

"Not exactly, I just want to help out both you and the baby. Unless you really want to get back together."

Please say no.

"Of course! Thank you so much."

Shit.

We continued chatting for a few more minutes until I had grown tired of her. Sure she's my best friend but she talked a lot.. I'm still wondering why she had called me. Was it because she wanted me to feel bad for her, she often craved attention like that.

I hung up the phone and sighed. All this damn thing does is deliver bad news and I'm tired of it.

Now it was time to get ready for the studio today. All we needed to record was the vocals in the song and we sadly did not need John for that.