Is that Okay?

{10}

Freddie's P.o.V.

It was the Sunday evening of the funeral. It's amazing how the sky almost perfectly captivated my mood today. Dark clouds blocked the warm rays of the sun, yet the air was hot and heavy. A crisp wind would blow every so often. A storm was coming.

John and I were currently sitting in a dark car, silently mourning over his father. He was disheveled. He barely slept this week and he constantly scratched himself in worry. I thought his medication would help with this but he refused to take the few pills. I hate seeing him like this.

"John, if you can't do this, we could always go back home." I offered silently. He looked down at his resting hands and shook his head no.

"I'm proud of you John, I want you to know that. You're brave." I whispered softly. John shrugged his shoulders and frowned. I placed a hand of his shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze before heading out the car. John followed my actions, and stood close to me. We walked to the funeral site, and everything was set up. Close relatives of John's sat in short chairs in the mildew grass. A fancy podium was placed in the center frontal part of everything.

I took a seat in the front, while John took a seat in the very back. I sighed and shuffled beside him, and sat down.

I wanted him to say something, anything! His silence scared me a bit. I want the fun loving deaky back. But those times were long gone, happy times were they.

The place was partially filled. A few of John's close relatives took their seats in front of us. They glanced at John, the faces held remorse and sorrow. I peeked at John who was obviously growing uncomfortable. As much as I wanted to yell at the others, I kept quiet and placed a hand on his. I felt him stiffen up, but soon relaxed.

"Thanks." He rasped out. It was one word, but it meant a lot now that he finally spoke. I couldn't refrain from smiling. He gave me a soft smile and reverted his attention to our hands.

I looked around and spotted Lilian scanning the small crowd. She and I made eye contact and her face brightened up. She walked towards me and smiled. John really looked like her.

"Hello Baby." She greeted John. John looked up and stared at his mother. He was emotionless at first, but he began sniffling. He stood up and hugged his mother, burying his head in the crook of her neck. Though I couldn't see tears, I knew he was crying. His sobs silently wracked through his body.

Lilian hushed him and hugged back. She took a seat beside him and continued hugging him.

I hate to admit that I was a bit uncomfortable myself. I only knew two people here and I wasn't part of the family. I met John's father, Arthur, and he was honestly the most outgoing man, contrary from his son. But I wasn't going to admit it aloud that I was on edge, for John's sake.

The rest of the funeral was beautiful and heartwarming. Everyone said their last goodbye's as we walked pass the coffin. It was strange seeing Arthur in there. His body looked ghostly and stiff. I strolled beside John as we walked by. He stood there and stared at his father, silently crying.

"I-I'm so sorry." He breathed out towards his dead father. Everyone watched him, and their faces fell. I couldn't stand life's cruel treatment towards John anymore, he was too kind for this. Life can go fuck off.

John marched and stood by the car door. I unlocked it and we both got in. I started the car for the drive home while John soaked himself into the music emitting from the radio. He reached his hand into his jacket pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, along with a lighter. He lit the cigarette and turned the radio to an obnoxious volume. I rolled down one window slightly and sighed.

"John, please don't smoke now." I scolded as kindly as possible.

"No." And his stuck the stick in his mouth. He took a long drag and blew the smoke towards my direction. My nose crinkled in disgust.

I wanted to scream at him, but he may be a bit sensitive. I didn't want to provoke any hidden emotions under his emotionless facade.

He continued blowing smoke in my face, making it hard for me to see. I tried to ignore it, I tried very hard. He was growing intolerable.

"I know this upsets you Freddie, admit it." He whispered. I ignored his immature teasing and continued driving. He continued puffing and smoking in my face, staring me down.

"Yell at me Freddie. Yell." John taunted once again. And I once again ignored him.

I saw him raise his hand in the corner of my eye. He quickly jabbed the cigarette on my neck and I yelped from the burn. The car swerved and a few beeps followed. I quickly pulled over and turned off the car.

"What the fuck John! What is wrong with you?" I screamed at him. John didn't look at me and shrugged as if he didn't care. He probably didn't.

"I'm tired of your bullshit! One day you act like a sad piece of shit and the next day you actually are one! I'm tired of it and I can't stand you anymore!" I shouted even more. He didn't show any response, he just stared at his hands emotionlessly.

I wanted him to say something, this was aggravating.

"To think I actually liked you." I uttered under my breath. I finally saw some sort of reaction in him. His body stiffened and he looked shocked.

"What?" He asked in disbelief.

"I liked you. I really did but you're just a fucking dick." I grumbled. I touched my neck and hissed at the pain that shot through me. I examined myself in the rear view mirror and saw a mark.

"I'm not like this I swear. I just hate how you treat me." John admitted.

"How I treat you? I treat you like you're some sort of fragile princess, I treat you with respect." I scowled.

"That's the point! I'm not fragile. I'm the same John Richard Deacon from before the depression diagnosis. You're defining me by my illness now and it's so, so..." John choked, trying his best not to burst out in tears.

"So what John? I'm curious."

"So degrading! Stop treating me like a child and start treating me like a man! I'm done with people feeling sorry for me and looking down at me. I'm just as capable as everyone else, so treat me like it." He stopped yelling and sobbed. He got into a fetal position and rolled to his side, towards the door.

I didn't know what to say. For once in my life I was absolutely speechless. The storm clouds finally filled the sky and rain started pouring down.

"I'm sorry." I blurted out. I couldn't see his face nor hear him, but he shrugged. I sighed and started to drive back home.

The ride was silent and the atmosphere was deadly. I distracted myself with the road and music, trying not to think about John. It was hard, but we finally made it back.

I got out the car and John trudged behind. I entered the house with John on my tail and was greeted by Delilah.

She must've sensed the horrid atmosphere between us, because she quickly left.

John and I awkwardly headed the same direction towards our separate rooms. John walked to his door and opened it slowly, but stopped for a split second.

"I liked you too." He mumbled quietly. He entered his room and shut the door tight.