Words I Never Heard

Goodbye Ginger

WARNING: GUYS YOURE GONNA CRY. I CRIED SO HARD WRITING THIS IM SO SORRY
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"Damn it Ginger."

I didn't wanna believe it. I absolutely refused to believe it. But here she is, lying in front of me, dead.

I reached out a trembling hand to her and stroked her cold cheek. My best friend, my sister I never had, was dead.

Tears blurred my vision and I couldn't stop the animal like sounds that came from my throat and fell to the carpeted ground, sobbing.

My blonde hair fell into my face and my shoulders shook with each breath I took. Nobody came to pick me up or attempted to move me. They let me be. A girl crying for another. A soldier who survived the war crying for one who didn't.

I heard footsteps but didn't even bother to look up. Then I heard him.

I heard the strangled sob escaped his mouth and he crouched in front of her casket, his blue eyes closed in agony and a hand pulling at his blonde hair. I had never seen Luke look so...frail.

Sometimes, I wonder how we even got through that day. We were two broken kids, with only one person left that knew Ginger like we did.

When they buried her, Luke and I stayed strong.

Well, we did until everyone left.

We were there long past the people left, we could care less about getting soaked, and Jason wouldn't dream of leaving two of his grief stricken friends in the pouring rain.

Jason dropped me off at the apartment that I sometimes shared with Ginger. We all sat on the couch, staring at each other.

I was staring at the both when I heard a choked sob come from one of us. I was so sick of hearing people cry, I'd been hearing at all day and I couldn't stand the pain being added. Hearing people cry was like them rubbing salt in my wounds.

I felt arms wrap around my small body before I realized, I was crying. I threw my arms around both of the boys in front me and sobbed into the space between their shoulders.

It felt wrong to speak. So, so wrong. Because there are words floating through the room where she should be walking, where she should be breathing. Not six feet under.

Out of fear for my mental state, Luke and Jason stayed the night at my apartment. We all laid on the floor that night, falling asleep to the sounds of the other's sobs.

I'll never forget the things that Luke whispered that night. You don't just forget those kind of things. Just like you don't just forget a call saying your best friend is dead.
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I woke up before Jason or Luke. I got up from my spot on the floor and walked over the the glass door leading outside to my small balcony. I caught a glance at myself in a mirror in the hallway.

I was a mess.

I walked to the restroom like a zombie, my feet dragging, not really paying attention to what I was doing.

I shut the door and locked it, then looked in the mirror.

There were dark bags under my eyes, my hazel eyes look sunken in and my lemon colored hair looked like wire. I looked tired. I looked broken.

But that's not what made me cry.

I never really noticed how much I looked like her, till right now. The same curve to my nose, dimples in the same spot. The same stringy hair, the same pale, pink lips.

I didn't see me. I saw Ginger, her short, black locks framing her face perfectly, her black eyes a shiny gray.

I shook my head and slid down the wall, trembling with each breath I took.

"Why Ginger, why?"

I couldn't get the images of her funeral out of my mind. Jason, trying to stay strong for Luke and I. Me, a tiny 16 year old, holding the hand of a corpse. Luke, poor Luke, kissing ,his now ex, lover's lips for the last time.

I crept out to where Jason and Luke were still asleep, and pulled on a coat then slipped out the front door.

I ran down the sidewalk, my black converse slapping the pavement and the thuds echoing through the empty roads of Oklahoma.

I finally stopped at the graveyard, and ran to her grave. I sunk to my knees in the freshly dug up dirt and began to cry on the tombstone.

"Damn it Ginger why did you have to go? Why did you leave me?" I pulled my knees to my chest and leaned on her tomb. "I'm so sorry I couldn't save you."

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Yes, I cried while writing this. Thanks for reading guys and remember

SUICIDE ISNT AN OPTION!

Maybe it is but it's not a good one!!
Please.