The Return of the Hunger Games [FALLEN ASHES] Book II

(24)

I've almost gotten use to Victors Village, only almost. There's an unknown scent to the place that makes my stomach churn and even after a week, I'm still masking the smell with this Lavender scented candle my father bought me.

Rayla's already been transported to the bottom of District 12's hospital, we still haven't spoken, and in order to keep everyone safe, we dont plan on it for a very long time. Everyday I have to speak to a therapist about the trauma in the arena, problems after being taken out, problems with my family, Will's suicide, my feelings for Trey, feelings fot Kal, how I feel about everything that's happened to Rayla. But mostly about my nightmares. They've only grown worse since I got back to District 12. He's very trust worthy enough, he knows about Fallon, about Manara's mother, and I secretly believe he's part of the R.O.T.R. as well. His name is Mr. Lock, looks young but admitted to me how he's about 50 years old.

Right now, I'm picking a few roses from outside my home in Victors Village. Spring made its way early, and Mr. Lock told me to try and get my mind off things by being productive. Today he comes at 3, I check the time on my new watch, its only 12.

Kal scares me when he kneels down next to me to help pick the roses from the bush.

"Sorry." He says, taking a few roses from my hand.

"It's okay." I say, continuing cutting.

"How long have you been out here?" He asks.

"Only about 30 minutes. I wanted to pick some roses for Effie."

He stays quiet, but carefully cuts off the thorns on the stems of the rose. I look at him. "Have you seen Haymitch?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "Not since yesterday morning. He's been acting wierd."

"I think he's just really upset. I dont know how much longer it'll take until, you know."

He stops cutting for a second, just to stop and think. "Trey's mother says it wont be long."

I squint, the sun is in my eyes. "How is Trey?" I ask, still cutting more roses.

"Gale says how he's still pretty depressed." Kal looks at me. "Why haven't you gone to see him?"

"I just," I cut one last rose, "I don't think I'm ready to see him."

"Well your going to have to see him sooner or later. You can't ignore him for the rest of your life."

"Why not?" I turn to Kal.

He thinks. "Because you still love him." He looks in my eyes. "And I don't really think not seeing him is going to make you feel differently."

"I don't love him. I really don't know what I feel towards him, other than sympathy."

He continues to cut off the thorns and I just sit there, taking in every one of his features. He's finally gained a mixture of meat and muscle, both very attractive. But I feel as if, ever since we got back I feel as if I've closed him off. I've closed everyone off. The only person I've had a deep meaningful conversation with for the past week has been Mr. Lock. I ignore some of the photographers working for the Capitol, they didn't last long here. I never go out, not even with Kal. I guess that relationship status is going to be blank for a while. Last time I spoke to Manara or Tau, it was the day i left the hospital. I haven't heard from them since. I have small talk with my parents, but other than that I lock myself in my room and write in a journal. I've found that writing my feelings and saying them are very different and when I write, Its more liberating. I see Effie everyday, only because I never know when its going to be the last time I do. I haven't walked around District 12, I haven't breathed a word to Gale or his wife. This is the first time I've spoken to Kal in about 3 days, and even then I was only asking to be left alone. Maybe it's time for things to change, but the fact is that things have changed enough.