Depressing One Shots

I'm Sorry, I Can't Be Perfect

Hey everyone.

This has - obviously - came as a shock to you all. You all actually believed my act of happiness. Oh, how wrong you were. I was battling with my demons constantly. When you were all out having fun and I stayed in, I was hoping for death to arrive.

Please, don't blame yourselves. I am culpable for my own actions. You may wish that you would have noticed how broken I was, but I have to admit; I was extremely good at hiding it. Don't you agree?

Since this will probably be the last thing you ever get from me, I'd like to give a few words to a certain few people who have had a large impact on my life as a whole, and made things more bearable, or made it living hell.

Mum, you are a hero. An inspiration. I really do hope the thing you have been planning for work recently goes smoothly and your life from this point onward is great. Despite the huge amount of time we spent together, I wish we would have had more of a bonding time. I was closer with you, rather than dad, but we could have been closer, and that makes me sad. I love you to pieces.

Dad, I've never met anyone stronger. I knew how close you were to Grandad, and how his suicide broke your loving heart. Doing this now, and looking back on how you were, makes me feel sort of bad, but it's for the best. Thank you for driving me up and down to the singing competitions, and helping me practice. Also, thank you for gym nights on Fridays. I wish you luck in the future. I love you!

Grandma, you are a star. No matter what gets thrown in your face, you have a baby wipe and a plastic bag prepared to clean the mess away. I hope that a cure for cancer is found; I'm using my dying wish for you to get better. You have got through everything with a smile, so continue to do so. Thank you for teaching me valuable life lessons and buying me things and feeding me. You're the best. Love you.

Now, for my distant family, we were not very close, but I still enjoyed seeing you all on special occasions at our house. Save me a seat at the dinner table, and pour some Champaign at my funeral.

My "squad" have had my back since we met. I regret nothing. Although you all knew about my self harming issues, you didn't think it would come to this. I remember the day you all pointed out that i had cut so deep that I, without a doubt, needed stitches. We lied about how it happened, which was totally worth it, and got let out straight after treatment. Going into the town centre was fun. I wish I could stick around for one more trip, however I'm too idle and cowardly to hold on. I'm sorry.

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. You'll blame yourself for this, I can see it coming. Even if I say don't, you will. I know you so well. Oh my God, you've been the best girlfriend ever. If anything, I didn't deserve you. I'm way too needy. Hopefully, you'll easily move on from me. I'm easily replaced. I love you too much to function. You're beautiful, unique, amazing and bubbly. I love every single little detail, flaw and perfection about you. Stay strong, baby.

I'm really sorry that I have to leave you all behind, but I'm left with no choice.

Goodbye.